Friendship

Friend ship is hard. I see my child struggle to fit in and make friends. I see how much he just wants someone to play with but his 'differentness' stands in the way. He tries to fit in but often the people he wants to play with have other people they'd rather play with or his size and strength turn them away. He has troubles seeing the difference between his actions being a game vs being a bug.

I can empathize with his struggle.

I struggle too. I wonder why I have to work so hard to have a friend. I used to have a bunch of friends a a teen and young adult but as they all got married, somehow we stopped being friends. I would put myself out there, and I felt like I was begging these people to spend time with me again but they still didn't really want to.

Loneliness can eat away at you and grow into something unhealthy, it makes you question yourself, it makes you put up walls to protect your heart.

It gets to the point where you stop trying and begging the people you thought were your friends to spend time with you as the rejection hurts.

I understand people grow apart.

I struggle even more because of my faith and my morals. I don't fit in with my coworkers.  Being someone who tries to live by what she feels is right in God's eye in a world where society has thrown what the Bible says out the window. Sometimes I feel like I was just born in the wrong time.
The coworker that talks to me the most has three children with three different women, is all about drinking and partying, does not believe God exists, is pro abortion, anti breastfeeding and is opinionated up the wazoo. We agree that we disagree on pretty much everything. But this is not someone who I feel I can become friends with.

I have been making some progress with some of the parents from football. It has taken two seasons.

I have a neighbour here at the cottage who has been my neighbour for years. Every time she walked past she would have her eyes forward or down when she went past. So, I started to shout hi when she went by. She now responds but never is she willing to stop and chat. She had company this week for a day and she said more to me in front of her friend than she has to me all summer. It felt fake. At the pool she asked me something, I swam over and answered and she turned her back to me and shut me out afterwards. She obviously has no interest in being a friend to me.

I don't know where I am going with all this other than it is 2am and I am wide awake being consumed by the desire to have someone in my life that I can ask how their day was and they respond. That they reach out first sometimes and ask me some days. The people who are in my life I try to be a good friend to but when I stop giving, I stop existing to them.

I met someone this summer who I felt had similar beliefs, outlook on life and experiences. I tried reaching out to them asking questions, showing an interest in their life...not interested. And this is probably what set all this off this evening as I let the sadness of the shattered hope that I had get the better of me. I allowed myself to see more into the possibility of this friendship than was reality of what was on the other person's end.

I don't want sympathy. Just honesty. Why is this so hard for me to find a true friend? Someone that doesn't turn their back when life changes?

I invested a lot of time into someone this month. I was there for this person and we spent a lot of time together. Our kids get along. We had lots of fun. But I know that this relationship exists because I work hard to keep it up.  An effort that is mostly one sided. If I stop, that will be it. It was worth it because I really needed that friendship this summer. But why is my friendship not worth effort in return?

I know I speak what is on my mind. That my opinions differ from other people's. But I  try to be honest and true to those in my life and not judge others and force my beliefs on them.

But reality is I am socially awkward. I don't know how to fit into so many situations. Crowds and parties are not my thing. Neither is going to a bar or getting intoxicated. I feel that i must give out a wrong vibe that repels. I've made many mistakes.

I am tired.

I want a change in how things are so I am less lonely but I don't know how to make that happen. After my failed attempt to make this new friend this summer, the hurt from rejection is too great that my wall will probably go back up for awhile.

I do have people in my life who i would consider to be a friend. The kind on FB that are superficial but not close. Not ones that I feel understand me and my life or reach out. Who I can reach out to.

Leaky cup?

How do you fill a kid's cup when it is damaged and leaking from neglect?  I have a son who is all about 'fair'. But only if it is to his benefit and on his terms can things possibly be fair.  He doesn't want things equal,  but things the way that he comes out on top. 
When he isn't getting his way,  there are hissy fits, wailing,  bad moods, defiance and wailing.  My mantra for him for the last couple of years is 'choose joy'!
We watched the movie on netflix, inside out, this week.  Actually I think the kids watched it three times.  I think it was good because I have applied it to his life a bit so far and will continue to do so.
I asked him while he was in one of his funks yesterday if he was making this moment a blue bubble moment or a yellow one.  He knew exactly what I was referring to and said blue. I suggested he figure out a way to make the next  moment yellow so that his day could be filled with yellow rather than red and blue. ..he left the room to think and he actually did turn things around. 
My son's cup had a hole.  I can't repair it.  I can't fill it.  But I do need to figure out ways to teach him to live his life with joy in spite of the leak rather than focusing on the leak and not living life to the fullest.
Pray for his heart and wisdom for his mom.

Helping a kid in a bad mood

Last month I was at a home school field trip and I took opportunity to spend times with other moms talking. 
I picked up a piece of advice from another mom on dealing with a child's bad attitude when it comes to school work/doing what is expected with politeness and without bring a grump.
I have a very emotional son. One who is often stuck in a funk as he feels most situations in his life are not fair.  We talk a lot about life is fair but not equal...but he still gets into a grump and it very much throws of our days. 
Advice: get them into a service! Usually a chore around the house.  In my house it usually ends up being dishes or vacuuming.
You send the child off to do the chore, they spend the time taking their frustrations out on the task and they usually return happier, if not send them off to do another. 
It allows them to be grumpy off on their own,  take their anger out on the dishes or dirty floor & changes their focus away from feeling sorry for themselves.
This has been a HUGE help for this mom whose soon struggles to choose JOY.

Added bonus is a cleaner house.

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Now some random photos from our life recently

And then there were five. ..

We are home.  After a wonderful 7 weeks at the cottage we have moved back home.  The house is still not all put back together but we are getting there. 

There are a few goals I have set to accomplish before September. 
T had an accident in the night at  beginning of this month which has resulted in 8 stitches and surgery on his upper jaw.  Lots of Dr appointments have followed and estimate time for healing is 4-6 weeks.
So hopefully being home I can get done what I need to and at the same time keep that kid from hitting his mouth.  He is not in pain so does not understand how serious a fractured jaw really is.

Yesterday we spent time at  the aquarium.  It was crowded. Lovely place I am sure but we were packed in there like sardines it felt like. ..and warm!

Tired

Well just got home from a 2am trip to the emergency. Shortly after 1am Tristan woke us all up with his death shrill. I turned on my light and called him to come to me and his face was covered in blood.
Seems he fell climbing down from the top bunk to go pee and landed on his face. I have no clue how he accomplished it but his bottom teeth went straight through his lip, his top tooth cut down by his chin and he jammed his top front tooth back into his gums (or broke it)
8 stitches later we are back home. Will have to call the dentist as soon he opens in the morning for xrays and a consult.
There is something to say about small town hospitals. There are three hospitals I could have gone to. I choose the one that was just a couple of more minutes away and I am glad I did. We were the only ones there. Quick service! No wait.
Hopefully I get some sleep. Only got two hours before he fell.
Thanks Dad for driving over to stay with the rest of the kids. (A husband would have come in handy tonight!)

summer of bliss

two summers ago I would not have been able to predict
last summer I would not have been able to predict

there is peace in my house
there is calm in my house
there is love and joy in my house

all those things aren't always there...but the hours of wailing, the constant fighting, the evenings of me just being 'done', etc. they have diminished
The boys play...together...willingly

overall there is less hurting, more thinking of others & less sneaking

it has been a crazy year in terms of childcare. we lost some long time sitters, we gained many that didn't stick around

but even through all the instability while I was at work...we have THRIVED!

Two summers ago I very much questioned what God's plan was...what was he thinking?? CO and I were still mourning loosing J and all of a sudden God expanded our family with chaos. How could he possibly expect me NOT to become an alcoholic raising these three extremely different children? (kidding)

Last summer was a summer of chaos. CO was in chaos. He was all over the place with his moods, he was all over the place with his feelings, it was tough. I could not figure out the root of what was going on with him. He was suffering from some headaches but I didn't know if it was the source of the moods or a side effect of something else. We visited doctors and did allergy testing. I did some research online and talked virtually to other moms who have adopted and in the end I jumped into essential oils with CO. I didn't tell many people. Within months people were making comments about how he was 'growing up'. I felt like I had finally stopped chasing my child whose name is a verb. Things weren't perfect but they was more calm than chaos. This past Easter I saw a side of my son that was a puzzle piece to the chaos that was the summer before. More changes.
We removed stuff from his diet and the difference between last summer and this summer with him...NIGHT and DAY!

Homeschooling T was just what he and I needed for our relationship. It is what our whole family needed in the relationship department. I saw much progress with him overall with attachment and his taking ownership of his health and hygiene. He was much more joyful. And then he had an encounter with his first family that caused lots of emotions and steps back. It resulted in T and I having a very tough spring. I honestly considered shipping him away to family for a few weeks just to allow me to get my feet back under me and catch my breath. I felt awful for considering it but his setbacks were stressful for the whole family. With lots of prayer, time and conversations, I think we are back to a road of healing for that boy. I think he and I will always have our head butting ways. He is such an emotional, artsy boy and I am such a 'suck it up' kinda mom. July was much better than April - June. It isn't perfect. He still has lots going on in his heart and mind that he is dealing with, but overall...I see healing. He is now just doing better with his hygiene again. (knock on wood as it has been only less than a week that there has been improvement in this department)

B is B! She is such a blessing to me. She is my calm in the storm. She is a spitfire, sassy, bossy princess! But at the same time she is loving. She is giving. God knew that I would need her as my calm in the storm that is her brothers.
She tells me multiple times a day that she loves me, that I am the best mommy, that I am so nice. She is a giver...of rocks, leaves, whatever she finds. She is my helper, my shadow and she radiates JOY. She also has a talent for conning people into doing 'for' her what she can do. She is stubborn and strong willed, but overall she radiates JOY.  Sometimes I will just stand outside the bathroom and listen to her singing songs of worship to God, it does my heart good!
This summer she mastered a two wheeler. I did not predict this to happen this summer as she is a very cautious and not confident child when it comes to cycling. In the past with her tricycle, she carried more than she sat on it. With her balance bike she walked it. She refused to pedal anything. She was worried about falling, about getting hurt, etc.
In May we came to the cottage and she seemed to finally catch on to gliding and balancing on her balance bike (a bicycle that was given to us and I had the pedals taken off).
In July, she rode. She was given a new bike. No training wheels and once she figured out the pedaling there was no stopping her...well other than the trees, buildings, etc. She hasn't mastered stopping. But over the month she has gone from being a panicked cyclist to a happy and mostly confident cyclist.

So far this summer has been one of bliss. We haven't done much. But we have played and relaxed and just overall enjoyed what is our cottage and what it has to offer us. It is a 12x24 foot building with only running cold water, but is a sanctuary and haven. We've swam, kayaked, bicycled and spent time with friends. We've had campfires, family visit, friends visit and learned chess.
Life is good. God is good.

There has been another big change in our family. My niece and her dog have moved in. There were a few big things that happened to bring this about, but overall I think it is the best move for everyone concerned for right now. My brother's new job has him travelling a lot and I believe that staying with me is what my niece needs right now.  At the end of June we did some rearranging of bedrooms, I am now in the smallest  room and the walls are decorated with B's bunnies and birds still. M and B are in bunk beds in the master bedroom. Within a week of her moving in, we headed off to the cottage for a big chunk of the summer. I know August is going to begin the month of adjustments for all as we figure out our new normal back at home. I will not only be homeschooling my three, but I will be supervising my niece in high school and helping her develop the skills of organization and time management that she needs in order to find success academically. 

So lots of prayer overall. For healing, for our family as it finds its new normal.

For our extended family. CO's Papa needs lots of prayers in the health department and for his heart and soul.

I look at this month of July. It has been a good summer. Compared to the last three Julys, it has been the best! For this I am truly thankful! He gets all the credit! God it good.

I have another almost two weeks booked off in August. Plans for what will happen during that time are not set in stone and are very much in the air.

guess we are not done yet....update

SO, I packed away the Duplo this past Spring. And had it stacked in the corner of the front porch. I was thinking we'd bless it to someone else since B is the only one that really built with it this past winter. The boys play with the vehicles but I was thinking my hopes for having 'building boys' kinda went out the window. WELL, this past Wednesday the boys unpacked it while I was visiting with dear old friends and they have been playing with it non-stop. AND their non-stop play of house has transferred to Duplo. Seriously I was getting sick of 'house'. It has been non-stop in this house for two months. I mean like EVERY day, non-stop. It is the only way T would play. If they were digging in the sandbox it was while playing 'house' and it was two weeks non-stop of the boys calling eachother husband and wife. I tried explaining that people didn't call eachother by their titles but to no avail. And T was constantly wearing skirts, tutus on his head for long hair, he even drew makeup on his face with not washable marker. It is in those moments that I have to remember that maturity wise he is still just 4, NOT 6 1/2.

But they are building, well atleast the oldest is. The duplo men have expanded the 'house' characters to more than just a wife and husband! yeah!

So I guess another winter of Duplo taking over the living room is in order...I will embrace the imagination!

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football
CO is playing tackle football.

it took him a bit to figure it out and embrace it (as he is hesitant with all change) but he LOVES it. What big kid who loves to wrestle wouldn't? you can tackle and knock over other kids and not get in trouble!
the thing I love about football: is it active (3 hours of practice a week), it is very much about teamwork and the coaches are touch and encouraging at the same time, hard work in practice is rewarded with more game time, I only had to supply the cleats and mouth guard (total less than $10 as the cleats were bought 2nd hand by Nana)
what I don't like about football: I DON'T fit in with the other parents very well. I struggle to listen to them joke and complain about their personal lives and deadbeat spouses. I have two VERY busy evenings as Tuesdays is choir and football and Thursdays is swimming and football. There have been 4 fundraisers already. I understand that they need money for expenses but honestly...I can't justify this many in two months to my family and neighbours.

Overall I am SO happy that he loves it so much. It is for three months in the fall and then again in the spring. 

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choir
T has music running through his veins. He is constantly singing and beating out a rhythm.
I found a local kids choir and it is AMAZING! he is the youngest. They prefer them to start at age 7 but said they would give him a chance because of his passion. It was explained to him that it was an honour for them to take him below the desired age so he needed to do his best to be 'big'.
He loves it. It is a great outlet for him, he is learning SO much and in a few months, the concerts will probably begin. I really like that this group is big on performing in the community (schools, seniors homes, etc.)

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school
I am teaching them all this year. (well B is making me school her too...she is my eager student...wanting to know where her math test is too, etc.)
I schooled T on the days he was home last year. I also did some school all summer. So, we've transitioned well. We've developed a good rhythm. I started out with us just doing the basics and every couple of weeks I am adding to the workload. The boys are doing well. We have our bad days and moments but the goal is to school 4 days a week (we take Tuesdays off for co-op) so they are really having school 5 days a week but only 4 at home.
Due to the fact that I am finding things so much more harmonious these days, I am signing us up for more field trips with the home school groups, etc.
We went on a trip to a honey farm. VERY fun and cool.
my kids got to pet a bee!













and in a couple of weeks the boys are going to do tree climbing (with ropes and harnesses)

all the kids are doing swim lessons through the group as well

my love/hate relationship with....socks

I love bare feet. (which a little 3 year old boy referred to them as 'bare pigs' this summer and that phrase melted my heart)
I walk bare foot around my house inside and out. I am required to wear shoes at work, I take them off without even realizing it.
In the winter, I LOVE my socks. My socks are all hand knit for me by my mother and I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Before my mother started knitting me socks, I liked funky crazy socks but mostly I loved my angora goat hair ones and my wool ones.
My children make me feel differently about socks. My oldest also likes socks. ALL year round. Bugs me to no end. He leaves them helter skelter all over the house inside and out. He wears socks for days on end and I often have to peel those ones off his feet while he is in bed half asleep. My son is SO terrible for making sure that his socks end up in the laundry that often I have only one of a pair at any given time...which resulted in my son no longer wearing matched socks. The other day he wore one that was stripped red and blue and the other was a solid brown.
My oldest has giant feet that have grown quickly. My youngest son had very small feet when he joined our family but has grown like a weed since and therefore his feet have also grown. Which has resulted in socks that I have no idea who fit whom and if some of them actually fit anyone.
I have tried to fix the sock problem by buying multiple packs of the same type of socks for each child.
I have even stopped matching socks for awhile and just had a giant bucket. I got to the point that I designated two drawers in the dresser in the laundry room to be JUST for socks. Boy socks in the left drawer, Girl socks in the right. My oldest just ended up stealing all my store purchased socks because his feet grew again and his socks were too small, and because I tried hiding his socks for the summer to get him to stop wearing them with his Keen sandals.
When we were at the cottage this summer...there was NO sock issues...I didn't pack any.

Well my latest phase in trying to keep the socks under control....I took ALL socks and bagged them up. Then I purchased a set of 'weekday' socks for each child. If a child does not get his socks in the laundry, then next time Wednesday rolls around, NO socks for them. The boy's feet will match so I will know if someone is not sticking to the plan.
I am not sure if it is going to work or not. There is a single lonely Saturday sock in the downstairs bathroom on the floor.
But I have my fingers crossed that one day, the hate part of my relationship with socks will be a thing of the past.

switching out of summer mode

We spent an amazing amount of time at the cottage this summer. That was the goal. We got a week in May, two in June, four in July and two in August = 9 weeks! It was just what we needed. I arranged childcare at the cottage when possible and I took 3 weekends off between July and August.
I didn't stop school. I took small breaks. I decreased our work load drastically. I knew that it was important especially for my oldest to have the 'routine' still to his days and I didn't want to have September be a month of 'review' and 'relearning' all that was forgotten over the summer. I also didn't want the giant battle of transitioning from a life of play to a life of school and then play.

Well, I have spent many months preparing for what I wanted our 2014/2015 school year to look. I am wanting it to be a year of 'family' and growing with God.

Today, we started with our new schedule.
We of course slept in ;) In all the years of parenting my oldest son, he has been an early riser. The month of August he slowly switched from being a 7:15am riser (like clockwork all year) to an 8am risier. I am NOT complaining, it just may not work for my goal of having the 'major' part of school done by noon.
Even with us getting up late, I was still able to have the day flow as I had hoped and planned.
Our school day started with family devotions. (the few minutes before the kids were called to join me at the table, I spent time in prayer)
For family devotions we are starting with 'Leading Little Ones to God' and my goal is to do a prayer journal with the kids that we will keep track of prayer requests and all pray in round robin style.
I added a worship song or hymn (maybe I will add more as CO accepts this change) that we sing together. It will usually be in you tube format to add the visual stimulation to capture their attention more. T LOVES to sing, so he is very happy for this addition.

I also added our family Bible verse (the one I have selected for the year is Matt 27:37-39) that we recite together and then we recite our family mission statement & pledge/rules together. I figure the more we say it, the more it will sink in ;)

Also this year, a change is that instead of listing all the work that is expected for the day and the kids choosing what order they do them, there is a checklist that they do in order. Not an easy transition for CO but once he accepted it, it went well. The boys check off things as they go. This enables me to teach reading, etc. at a different time and the other child is busy working on more independent work. Last year they both would work on the same subject and I felt there was useful time wasted waiting for me to finish with the other child.

The schedule isn't perfect and I will continue to tweak it as time goes.

Also added is a star chart. Each boy can earn up to 6 stars a day (mostly for attitude and hard work). In a 5 week period, if they have earned 100 stars they earn something. For this cycle the reward is a date with Mom. I will evaluate if the goal stays the same or changes as the year progresses.

Also B is now 3, and is doing some seat work. She has always bugged to join the big boys and in the past I would throw different activities at her to occupy her. I am now going to do a letter of the week type activity with her. It is mostly art related, slightly phonics related but the goal is just to have her learn letter sounds and names. She comes and goes through school time as she wants. I made up a binder of 'A' pages for her to colour, cut and paste, etc. When she choose to jump up and join us the first time she did her little weather and feelings page as well as her 'B is for B____' page (both of these pages are dry erase so she can do them over and over again). While the boys were busy working I took her over to her ABC poster (I have it on the back of the front door and with it I have the leapfrog A and magnetic A's) and told her that we were going to learn 'A' today. We sang the alphabet while following along with the poster and then took her over to work on an 'A' colouring page. The second time she joined us, I gave her a colouring page related to the story that I was reading to the boys. The third time both the boys were busy working so I read to her an 'alligator' story and looked on a page for the letter 'A'. Then while I made lunch she watched a short you tube clip from Sesame Street that was about the letter 'A'. The rest of her morning she spent floating around (cleaning as she went) between puzzles, play kitchen, etc. She found her alligator pull toy and when I saw her with it I encouraged her to take him over to the poster and show it his letter and sing the ABC song to it.

Including B in school turned out better than I had hoped. I was worried that she would be more of a distraction. She tried in the beginning to join us at the table with her toys (which just end up distracting the boys) so I reminded her that toys stay away from the school table and that she is free to play with them away from the table. This will encourage her to learn that the table is for school (which is still fun). She is able to feel more included which is something she is wanting.

As the boys get used to the new format, I am sure that they will pick up the pace. The amount of time it took for them to tackle 'calendar' time nearly drove me off a cliff. In the end, I realized that one boy didn't actually return to Math after our group time and so he will have to finish that up after quiet time before outside play.

I need to increase my organization. I will have to add menus again to our days. Having the food more organized will very much help. My goal is also to start my day with God and my Bible. I have yet to master keeping this in my day EVERY day. It has always been sporadic. I am also wanting the boys to start this habit early so by the end of this school year, I want them also doing this. It is more difficult as they aren't actually able to read the 'Bible' really yet, but they can still spend this time with their Bibles, looking through them and in prayer.

In two weeks will be back to schooling only four days a week because we take Tuesdays off for Bible Study. The boys will be expected to do a couple of independent things before we walk out the door, and since the group has a 'home school' class they will be learning in that environment.

(now a quick glimpse of a small fraction of our summer)

this is two blocks from our house!
there is wonderful trail that runs along it for walking, cycling and we even
take our kayaks onto the water

he was VERY happy to complete is Math book

we found this turtle when walking in the woods at the cottage

messy faces...we eat outside all our meals at the cottage

yum yum

one of the two parks

our 'oasis' of a cottage....it is small and peaceful!

tuckered out (yes I know her shoulder straps are too high, I have fixed it)

our sandbox in the backyard

fun with older cousins

dancing for Canada Day

making stilts

helping bath the 'healthiest' baby on the campground

crayfishing

crayfishing with friends!

what to do??

Neglect sucks! The damage it does to a kid long term is cruddy!

I am dealing with the side effects of neglect with many different people in my family these days. I am tired of it. How much can you hold someone accountable for the crap that is who they are because their mothers neglected them when they needed someone most. The first 5 years are SO vital in a child's brain. When there is neglect, parts of the brain shut down and become mi-wired.

http://www.thinkkids.org/learn/our-collaborative-problem-solving-approach/

is an interesting view on assisting those who are in this boat...

now to spend the night researching...


Please Pray for my family. There are lots of struggles. Especially with two. Pray for the kid's parents that they will be able to parent the children in the best healing way for the children.

July is just around the corner...

The kids struggled with my return to work. CO the most. It was a slow acceptance for him. I think he slept in my bed for over a month. After the second weekend I worked, there was vomit from him stressing over things.

now it is the end of June. He is back into the swing of things.

It has been a roller coaster ride since going back to work. My beloved client P passed away. I have been working with him since I moved here. It was very sudden. I mourned him a long time. The stress of not knowing what was happening with my job after he died did a number on me for a couple of weeks (over the last few years, the clients in the house have slowly moved out and this client was the last in the house). After two and a half weeks, I was finally told my fate and I got to keep my '40 hour weekend' which was my biggest worry. I had so many struggles with the kids with me going back to work that I couldn't imagine having to transition them to me working 5 days a week (which was a possibility. With the agency I work for the only guarantee is full time hours, not the schedule)

I am now working with elderly clients. A strange change after working with only high behaviours these past years. It is a much more mellow environment. I still miss P. I hear him daily in moments as I come across things.

T had been struggling through May and June. He was making improvements but I think the knowledge of schooling ending was the root of things as well as his teacher left on MAT leave.

These past couple of weeks CO has been off. Lots of old behaviours resurfaced. I think his is partly because there has been a change with the weekend sitters. I had two quit suddenly. (one of them I was happy to leave as I was ready to be done with her...the other I didn't mind...she was a bit on the lazy side)
So my life is a rollercoaster. This is just the cliff notes of things.

Overall, I love my life. I am blessed. It is hard. Single parenting sucks most of the time. I had a hard time figuring out how to get errands done these last couple of months once the boys evening programs ended. Grocery shopping with kids with food issues is NOT fun.

Monday we leave for the cottage for a month. I am SO loving our life there. It is simple and free.

I am blessed.

February & March Books Read

Books I read
1.


Chapter books I read with the kids
1. Happy Times in Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
3. The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
4. Runaway Mouse by Beverly Cleary
5. Ramona and her Mother by Beverly Cleary


Picture books I read multiple times this month
1. Good Night Moon (B's fav)
2. Goodnight Rabbit (which was my sister's fav book when she first came to Canada)
3. Going on a Bear Hunt (B loves this one and every time I read it I am reminded how much J didn't :) he would always refuse the book because the bear scared him)
4. Noah's Ark

the end and beginning...

My parental leave is over. I started back to work last weekend. I was very sad driving into work last weekend. I didn't get much sleep at work as one of the clients stayed up until almost 3am watching tv (plus day light savings, dst, time was a factor) and I was just wide awake. Not exactly sure why.
Work was good. Short as I just worked the Sunday part of the shift. But overall, I fell back into the job without a hitch.
I returned home to two very over tired boys. They were late in settling to sleep Saturday night as my father let the cat out of the bag that I was headed into work (I had just told them I was going back to work in March and after that I just said 'soon' as I didn't want them to get worried or anxious) and then they missed an hour of sleep due to dst, then they didn't settle at quiet time and rest Sunday afternoon. Needless to say come bedtime Sunday night, my oldest was an over tired emotional wreck. He doesn't handle change well, especially when that change involves us not being together. He was a weepy, anxious, overtired wreck come bedtime and just begged me to stay upstairs with him. I brought him downstairs to get him calm. We watched the pvr'd episode of Heartland, by this time he was done with the weeping and then we snuggled together into my bed. His tears returned but he was more rational. After more reassurance that I would stay with him, he finally fell asleep. The next son was up in the night with nightmares.
Returning to work kinda sucks for the everyone. Well except B....she is my cool cat :) She just needed some snuggles after I got home and she was ok :) She doesn't carry as much baggage as the boys.

Before I headed into work, I had all figured out what was happening with childcare and I had all my ducks in a row (at least until Easter). Last night my ducks began to scatter. Which sent me into a panic (two nights previous of not enough sleep did not help things) and I was an emotional crying mess. I had to remind myself that God has the whole situation under control.

I got the boys quickly through school this morning (we aren't taking a week off right now as we are going to time off at Easter) and we headed off to visit C's chickens (they moved to a farm as we aren't allowed them in town and a neighbour complained...not sure if I blogged about it or not). It was a beautiful Spring day. I know Spring is probably not here to stay, but today was beautiful and we enjoyed it while we could. We spent the rest of the morning at the farm. I talked with my friend there and she gave me a couple of names to try for childcare. I left feeling much better about things. The children had a great time with the animals and mucking in mud.

My cousin's daughter is here for the rest of the week. I always enjoy having her as all the kids get along with her and when she is here it is company for me and an extra set of eyes and helping hands. Right now she is on a bread making boat (inspired by my baking bread earlier in the day)...right now my house smells yummy. She cleaned the kitchen from supper without being asked while I was getting the children ready for bed....so very nice and appreciated!

these photos are of CO when he was three. He loved mud then and he still loves mud today! He announced today that he was very excited for Spring because he was looking forward to playing with mud! (let the laundry marathon of muddy clothes begin!)

January Books Read

1. Crossfire by Jeanette Windle
2. Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah D. Gray
3. Unglued by  Lysa Terkeurs

Read Alouds with the CO
1. The Children of Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield

Childrens books with T (the ones he really enjoyed and I read multiple times)
1. Choo Choo by Virginia Lee Burton
2. Press Here by Herve Tullet

our schooling journey...

Well I got to teach both of my boys all week. T had a cold so he stayed home from school. It was a nice glimpse of our future (yes I am planning on teaching both the boys next year). I have spent a lot of time in prayer and planning trying to figure out how to teach two boys will essentially be grade 1 & 2 but with only 6 months gap in age. Well currently the decision, is to teach them both the same in all subjects other than Math and Reading. The thought of teaching them separately seems like a lot of work for such a small age gap and I think having them learn together will be unifying for them. I may actually have them fairly close in to being together in reading and math come fall. T spends time learning not only his lessons but also his brother's so I am fairly sure that when it comes to his time to have the lessons he has witnessed his brother have, he will just speed right through them :) It is SO fun to watch them be sponges for learning! I am SO thankful that God has blessed me with the job that I have so that I am able to teach my boys and be with them M-F.  It is so great to watch them finally figure out something that they have been struggling to figure out. It is so great to be able to celebrate with them when understanding kicks in.
This week T was doing a reading lesson about the short letter 'u'. Oh it was such a crazy lesson for him. He knew the letter sound. He would tell the sound of all the letters in the word but when it came time to blending them, he would say the word with the short 'o' sound. For instance he would have the word 'bug' say 'b-u-g bog'. I am not sure that this is something that would have been caught right away if he was having this same lesson in a group setting. He has developed some incorrect habits when it comes to his speech because he doesn't have top teeth so I am not sure if nobody ever thought to make sure that even if his teeth weren't there, that he was still using his mouth in the proper formation to make the sounds. We do a lot of correcting as I am a firm believer that if you aren't pronouncing your words properly, you aren't going to master reading them properly either. Well, we had a few days in a row this week that we could focus on the lesson at his pace. Lots of practice and today when he was reading his fluency page for the lesson, he only switched out the 'o' for the 'u' a couple of times rather than every time. We celebrated. It brought us closer (I would like to believe) and I got to share in this with him.
I am loving the math program we are using. CO is good at math...if he applies himself. That is probably one of his biggest struggles. He SO bad wants to be able to play and do school at the same time. Something that is rarely successful. The program we are using is set up so that they watch a lesson on a DVD with me and then they spend the rest of the week working on practicing what they have learning and reviewing what they have learned thus far. My goal for CO is to watch the lesson Monday and write the lesson test on Friday. Well this week, I was seeing that he wasn't grasping the lesson 100% by mid week and rather than sticking to the schedule for him to write the test today, I made up some flash cards to give him lots more practice and review. He will probably not write his test until the middle of next week so we can practice with the flash cards some more. This is one of the reasons why I home school. So that my boy's can learn at their own pace. In a group school setting, he would probably have started to fall behind and it would have been up to me to spend the evenings trying to catch him up when we were both tired, he would be frustrated and deflated because he would not have been on par with his peers potentially causing him to get farther and farther behind. It would mean we wouldn't be spending our evenings reading going on grand adventures while reading chapter books together but rather struggling through homework.
The math program explains thing in a fun way. For example a couple of weeks ago it was adding with 9. So, 9+5, 9+6, etc.   The way they explain it is that 9 wants to be a 10 because being 10 is VERY cool. So it uses the one hole that it has as a vacuum and steals one from the other number, so with 9+5....9 wants to be a ten...make a quick suction noise 'slurp' and that leaves 5 as a four...and the nine as a 10 meaning 14. I am probably explaining it not as clearly. So the lesson after that was adding with 8. 8 has two holes so it does two 'slurps'. It is fun for a boy to make vacuum noises to do his math.

here are the boys heading to swim lessons together. They are wearing insulated coveralls over their bathing suits :) Makes for being ready for the lesson that much faster. While the boys lessons are at different times this time round, it enables me to do some small 1:1 work with each boy as well as get some visiting in with some of the other moms and share our schooling journeys and struggles.

a day of celebration...

This evening on the way home from our Thursday adventures of drop Bea off at the sitter, go to swimming lessons, pick up Bea, go cook supper at my parent's, eat supper and head home...CO asked me 'how' he could ask Jesus into his heart so that he didn't have to die and spend time with that STUPID SATAN. I told him we could talk about the 'how' when we got home in a couple of minutes. I reminded him that we didn't use the 's-word' (that is what we call it...the s-word) and he piped up that Satan is STUPID even if we aren't supposed to say that word.
So this evening as I was tucking my little one into bed, I talked with him about what to do, and he prayed and asked Jesus into his heart.

payment...

I am SO thankful that I was prepared for the holidays before December 1st in the fact that I had the majority of the shopping done. I am...things have gone down hill from there...chaos has abounded...I don't think I was prepared for dealing with the holidays with a broken child. Looking back, I have made lots of mistakes, I have done a lot less 'christmasy' things than I have in the past but overall...I am thankful for my kids, for the true gift of the season. I am thankful for the greatest gift of all, and I hope that in years to come as my Children heal on the inside, that we will be able to do more and that the memories we make will be good ones.
I have questioned myself as a mother a lot, it has been an emotional month and I have been feeling under the weather a lot. I look forward to a new year. Overall I am not one that looks far to the future, I am normally more of an in the moment kind of person.
I am still working on our family goals for 2014.
I didn't get Christmas cards out. I got adoption announcement out so maybe I will do a letter in the near future.

 I am looking forward to our Christmas Eve Service this evening. It is a candle light carol sing. I am looking forward to family coming tomorrow and celebrating with family again the following day.
and I may or may not have used the advent chocolates to pay my children for helpfulness, happiness and harmony today....

From my family to yours, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May Blessing Abound!

I CAN'T!!!!....sigh

I can't go into the bathroom without chaos. I can't. I don't know why but it is ANNOYING! Case in point this evening...I had the forethought to lock the door after going in. Within minutes B is outside the bathroom door claiming she needed to pee potty too...no prob. I let her in, she does her business and then I send her out again and tell her to go play. She does. CO arrives at the door and wants to watch tv. I say no as he has watched enough and tell him to go play. He does, he actually heads to the tree to play with the Christmas carousel. It seems when heading to the tree, he passes T and T's foot gets stepped on. So T stands outside the bathroom door an makes the noise that sends me BATTY! I can't help it. It is an awful noise...similar to a siren. I ask him what the problem is, he says CO stepped on his foot. I ask if he needs to go to the hospital...no. So I ask him to go and play. 'I can't' is the reply. Siren continues. I ask him again to GO and play. 'I can't' is the reply. I ask him if he is tied up. no. I ask him if he is glued to the floor. no. I ask if his foot is broken and he needs to see a dr. no. T PLEASE GO play. I can't. Siren noise continues. CO asks him to stop making the noise. more chaos as there is a scuffle.
I come out of the bathroom and puts the boys on stools in the kitchen and make them sit while I wash up from supper. T is making faces at CO so I ask him to put his back to his brother. CO quickly gets calm and proceeds to reach for a book off the cook book rack on how to tie a shoe and proceeds to learn how to tie a shoe.
T asks to get off...but this is a time in and I am waiting for him to turn off his anger. He continues to glare and say mean things to his brother so I move T to the laundry room and CO goes off to find something else to do. I start folding laundry. He continues with his negative attitude. Finally he asks if he can match socks...I say yes! and he happily does. We have good talks. He is doing good. Then I leave the laundry room to deal with B's accident (her first since coming home) in the bathroom...and guess what happens??? CHAOS! CO came to the bathroom to ask for a bath and T decided to run to the bathroom door to block CO from getting past. What happens when a stick tries to stop an avalanche??? chaos! the avalanche is stronger and isn't about to be blocked by a stick. chaos. So I escort T back to his stool and ask him WHY??? he left the laundry room to cause a fight with his brother....his reply....shoulder shrug....ahhhh...so I go to finish dealing with his sister in the bathroom and he starts to say mean things to CO. So CO shuts the laundry room door which results in the siren noise. SIGH. I get CO into the tub, I get B headed upstairs to get into bed, I head to the laundry and ask him what the problem is. His reply is he doesn't like being in a room by himself. I ask him if I said mean things to him if he'd want to be in the same room as me? no. Did shut the door because you were saying mean things? yes. So, I look at the time...10 minutes PAST bedtime and I proceed to get T into pjs and into bed. I tuck T into bed and leave to get B into pjs and bed. The siren begins. So I ask what the problem is. He didn't get a chance to play! AHHHH I reminded him he was told to play but he 'couldn't'. I give him more kisses and leave to deal with B. Siren starts up again.  AHHH
I really need to be able to react to that siren nicer but it makes my skin crawl!!! It sends me batty!! It makes me loose my cool. We have some words (mine too loud). He stops.I give him a kiss and I leave...silence.
sigh
I can't go into the bathroom without chaos.

In the past to deal with the siren noise is to send it to bed! That method wasn't working. Even though I know T is tired. But sending him away just separates us, that is why I was trying plan B which was having a 'time-in'. I head back to work in less than 3 months. It is going to cause my relationship to go backwards with T. I know it will. I went out for one evening in September, the first since July (for a mtg to do with B's speech...and my parents put the kids to bed) I told T what was happening and why. He was fine. But that night he woke up 3 times crying for me.

all of this is just a vent. There has been HUGE progress with T. There really has. In July the siren would have gone off for over an hour. These days it is just minutes. There is less anger and threatening and yelling overall. Having him sit in a room with me enabled him to turn off his anger and negative mood and talk to me and enjoy himself. He didn't get to 'play' but he didn't get sent to his room for having his anger get out of control (which is what happens many evenings). Progress.
I need to measure and analyse to see the progress....it gives me strength to continue on in the journey...well with God...I would never be able to do any of this parenting of 'broken' children if it wasn't for His strength and love.

I just wish I could:
       1. go into the bathroom without chaos
       2. be able to deal with the siren in a calmer manner

so if you are the praying sort...that is my prayer request :)

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photo that I stole from faceb**k (because I may or may not have stalked someone's first family on faceb**k to look for photos...sad thing...there were only a handful to steal but the ONLY ones that they will ever have of that time)

T holding B as a baby

a note to myself...

I am struggling with Christmas this year. I am struggling because I am dealing with a hurt boy that has never experienced Christmas before...first time decorating a tree, getting a stocking, etc.

I struggle to do much for Christmas because I am trying to keep the focus on giving rather than receiving, to keep the focus away from selfishness. It is hard. When I do an activity, it is usually ruined by a child who is making everything about competition and all about him. The other children are feeding off it and I hate to admit that some activities end with me loosing my cool. I have had to rethink all traditions that involve food...food is too important to someone that he gets lost in the desire for 'more more' that he can't seem to enjoy the moment.

I am avoiding Santa letters this year. Santa will still bring the kids each one present and fill the stocking but I am trying to keep the focus away from the big guy in red and more towards the ultimate gift of Jesus.

I look forward to next Christmas where he will be in the family a whole more 12 months and feel more secure in his place in the family. And I will be more experienced in dealing with the holidays with a 'hurt' child.

a note to myself: an idea for Christmas in the future...wonder if I can keep the grandparents and extended family on board for this?? because in all honesty...4 gifts is more than many children around the world see in a year let alone all in one day. In a society that is very focused on materialism and selfishness it is hard for parents to keep kids grounded from that way of thinking...

kids only get 4 gifts (One they Want, one they Need, one to Wear, and one to Read)

idea from here 

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on another note, I had an extra two year old over night (watching for a friend who was attending a family funeral)...let me just say 4 kids is SO much better than 3! they can pair off and switch pairs, etc. and no one gets left out or to be the third wheel.
One of the things that is hard for CO & T these days is that CO lives to be outside and T not so much (especially with the cold weather). CO get very frustrated that T isn't so eager to jump at the opportunity to play in the snow. B on the other hand LOVES to play outside with CO but she is just a toddler and can't handle the cold as long or the stamina for tobogganing and shoveling the block :)
The plow went by for the first time this morning and CO was SO excited that he was outside within minutes :)
CO is still my busy boy. He continues to be a tester and button pusher but at the same time he is my 'little man' ready and willing to help fix things, take out the garbage, deliver goodies to neighbours, etc.He loves to snuggle with me as we read chapter books and he is always full of questions of what we are reading about. My prayer for him is that he will continue to love to learn and give in the name of Jesus. 
T is FULL of music. He is always singing, dancing, humming, tapping a tune, etc. He is getting some music themed gifts for Christmas and my prayer for him is that he will use his passion and gift to glorify God.
B is my sweet blessing. She is full of gratitude & joy. She is still a typical stubborn toddler at times but overall she is full of sweetness. My prayer for her is that she will continue to bless people she comes across with her gentle and loving nature.
Last month we had a guest speaker at my Bible Study group and she talked about having a scripture verse for each of her children that she prays for each of her children for the year.  So over the next couple of weeks, that is my goal. To find a verse for each of my kids and to set our Spiritual goals for the upcoming year.

my boys last month with their troop...

'tis the season...

Well it is the 2nd of December...I am glad that my goal was to have the majority of my shopping done before the 1st as the 30th of November I was knocked over with a cold and have no energy. According to CO I have an 'ugly' voice. We cut down the tree on the 30th...in my few moments of energy but it is still in the backyard waiting to come in. I have to clean and drag the decorations upstairs still. I need a second adult to put the tree in the stand.
So, it waits.
I have yet to actually do the advent activities I wanted to...because they require energy and my voice...so we will start them a few days late and do a 'catch up' on a couple of our low key days.
I am blessed by my children. They are letting me rest and relax and are using the fact that mommy isn't well to play nicely rather than fight and get into mischief.
Last night was the kids Sunday School Concert...VERY CUTE! B was a sheppard, T was Joseph and C's class did some bell ringing. I made sure I captured the moment on video for relatives not near.
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T and I are making improvements I think. There is less long moments of him raging (yelling, screaming and smashing stuff) which is greatly appreciated :) Tonight at supper he slammed the fridge door in anger so I asked him to open and shut the fridge door 5 times with a smile. With a smile is the part he struggles with because he would rather stay angry and yell and hurt me with his words and actions. He found something to throw and said he was going to throw it, I told him that just meant he had to pick it up. So he did and he did. But he fought and fought having to open and close the door 5 times with a smile. He yelled and yelled. He saw the rest of us start supper and yet he dug in his heels. Finally I got up and calmly reminded him that he was the one standing between him and his supper and no matter how much he was angry and yelled, he needed to choose to calm down, put a smile on and do what was asked of him. then I gave him a kiss on his forehead and walked back to the table. He waited. He was quiet. Then he put on a smile and did what he needed to. Then he joined us for supper.
I have begun to insist on the smile because otherwise I get to eat supper with a little boy yelling and scowling at me all through the meal...NO fun.
Months ago, he would have yelled and raged for 30+ minutes...tonight is was only about 5 minutes...less rage and just some anger...so I am counting my blessings :) and celebrating the baby steps.
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Silly me agreed to baby sit over night Saturday so my friend could go to her husband's Christmas party. So, I found myself with no voice watching a 6 year old, 5 1/2 year old, 2x 2 year olds and a 10 month old :) We survived...I am not sure I could handle that many kids long term by myself though I think once there was a routine it would run smoother. The big boys were a big help so that was nice. I even got a shower Sunday morning...a miracle when I only have my three.
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I have been putting together Picaboo albums. I have three printed out already. This weekend there was a 50% off sale so I finished up a fourth and am looking forward to it arriving shortly. I basically just plug away at the albums and then wait until there is a great deal before printing it off.
The fun thing is I have come across some great photos from the past.