a note to myself...

I am struggling with Christmas this year. I am struggling because I am dealing with a hurt boy that has never experienced Christmas before...first time decorating a tree, getting a stocking, etc.

I struggle to do much for Christmas because I am trying to keep the focus on giving rather than receiving, to keep the focus away from selfishness. It is hard. When I do an activity, it is usually ruined by a child who is making everything about competition and all about him. The other children are feeding off it and I hate to admit that some activities end with me loosing my cool. I have had to rethink all traditions that involve food...food is too important to someone that he gets lost in the desire for 'more more' that he can't seem to enjoy the moment.

I am avoiding Santa letters this year. Santa will still bring the kids each one present and fill the stocking but I am trying to keep the focus away from the big guy in red and more towards the ultimate gift of Jesus.

I look forward to next Christmas where he will be in the family a whole more 12 months and feel more secure in his place in the family. And I will be more experienced in dealing with the holidays with a 'hurt' child.

a note to myself: an idea for Christmas in the future...wonder if I can keep the grandparents and extended family on board for this?? because in all honesty...4 gifts is more than many children around the world see in a year let alone all in one day. In a society that is very focused on materialism and selfishness it is hard for parents to keep kids grounded from that way of thinking...

kids only get 4 gifts (One they Want, one they Need, one to Wear, and one to Read)

idea from here 

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on another note, I had an extra two year old over night (watching for a friend who was attending a family funeral)...let me just say 4 kids is SO much better than 3! they can pair off and switch pairs, etc. and no one gets left out or to be the third wheel.
One of the things that is hard for CO & T these days is that CO lives to be outside and T not so much (especially with the cold weather). CO get very frustrated that T isn't so eager to jump at the opportunity to play in the snow. B on the other hand LOVES to play outside with CO but she is just a toddler and can't handle the cold as long or the stamina for tobogganing and shoveling the block :)
The plow went by for the first time this morning and CO was SO excited that he was outside within minutes :)
CO is still my busy boy. He continues to be a tester and button pusher but at the same time he is my 'little man' ready and willing to help fix things, take out the garbage, deliver goodies to neighbours, etc.He loves to snuggle with me as we read chapter books and he is always full of questions of what we are reading about. My prayer for him is that he will continue to love to learn and give in the name of Jesus. 
T is FULL of music. He is always singing, dancing, humming, tapping a tune, etc. He is getting some music themed gifts for Christmas and my prayer for him is that he will use his passion and gift to glorify God.
B is my sweet blessing. She is full of gratitude & joy. She is still a typical stubborn toddler at times but overall she is full of sweetness. My prayer for her is that she will continue to bless people she comes across with her gentle and loving nature.
Last month we had a guest speaker at my Bible Study group and she talked about having a scripture verse for each of her children that she prays for each of her children for the year.  So over the next couple of weeks, that is my goal. To find a verse for each of my kids and to set our Spiritual goals for the upcoming year.

my boys last month with their troop...

'tis the season...

Well it is the 2nd of December...I am glad that my goal was to have the majority of my shopping done before the 1st as the 30th of November I was knocked over with a cold and have no energy. According to CO I have an 'ugly' voice. We cut down the tree on the 30th...in my few moments of energy but it is still in the backyard waiting to come in. I have to clean and drag the decorations upstairs still. I need a second adult to put the tree in the stand.
So, it waits.
I have yet to actually do the advent activities I wanted to...because they require energy and my voice...so we will start them a few days late and do a 'catch up' on a couple of our low key days.
I am blessed by my children. They are letting me rest and relax and are using the fact that mommy isn't well to play nicely rather than fight and get into mischief.
Last night was the kids Sunday School Concert...VERY CUTE! B was a sheppard, T was Joseph and C's class did some bell ringing. I made sure I captured the moment on video for relatives not near.
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T and I are making improvements I think. There is less long moments of him raging (yelling, screaming and smashing stuff) which is greatly appreciated :) Tonight at supper he slammed the fridge door in anger so I asked him to open and shut the fridge door 5 times with a smile. With a smile is the part he struggles with because he would rather stay angry and yell and hurt me with his words and actions. He found something to throw and said he was going to throw it, I told him that just meant he had to pick it up. So he did and he did. But he fought and fought having to open and close the door 5 times with a smile. He yelled and yelled. He saw the rest of us start supper and yet he dug in his heels. Finally I got up and calmly reminded him that he was the one standing between him and his supper and no matter how much he was angry and yelled, he needed to choose to calm down, put a smile on and do what was asked of him. then I gave him a kiss on his forehead and walked back to the table. He waited. He was quiet. Then he put on a smile and did what he needed to. Then he joined us for supper.
I have begun to insist on the smile because otherwise I get to eat supper with a little boy yelling and scowling at me all through the meal...NO fun.
Months ago, he would have yelled and raged for 30+ minutes...tonight is was only about 5 minutes...less rage and just some anger...so I am counting my blessings :) and celebrating the baby steps.
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Silly me agreed to baby sit over night Saturday so my friend could go to her husband's Christmas party. So, I found myself with no voice watching a 6 year old, 5 1/2 year old, 2x 2 year olds and a 10 month old :) We survived...I am not sure I could handle that many kids long term by myself though I think once there was a routine it would run smoother. The big boys were a big help so that was nice. I even got a shower Sunday morning...a miracle when I only have my three.
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I have been putting together Picaboo albums. I have three printed out already. This weekend there was a 50% off sale so I finished up a fourth and am looking forward to it arriving shortly. I basically just plug away at the albums and then wait until there is a great deal before printing it off.
The fun thing is I have come across some great photos from the past.

did you realise....

did you know that when kids have knows hunger it seems that they will eat something just because
no reason
it can taste like blaa but they will still eat it
like a 90% chocolate bar just because it is chocolate
like jalapeno potato chips (that are REALLY hot and set your mouth on fire after eating just a small bite)

they can have tears running down their faces because their mouth hurts from the spicy, but they will just keep eating

it is odd

it is what happens in my house

seems that even the spicy chips for mom aren't even safe...sigh

school...

School is going very well. Sonlight works well for our family. I love how much CO enjoys being read to and learning from literature. We started late this year as we didn't jump in fully until we got back from our camping trip mid September (we did the basics while camping...most days) and my plan to school over the summer went out the window when our two newest family members joined our family in the Spring.
SK was a crazy school year for CO. The fall was spent dealing with the idea of losing J and all the stress and turmoil that went with that, and then the winter was spent with trying to deal with the grief and sorrow of no longer having J in our home and knowing we would never see him again. Then the Spring was dealing with the transition of adding two new children to the home. So with all of that...CO's first few weeks back to school this fall was in finishing up his SK curriculum and starting into his gr.1 curriculum.
We just finished reading Homer Price and just started Mr. Popper's Penguins. We are also in the midst of Missionary Stories with the Millers, Archaeologists Dig for Clues, and some Usborne on Animals as well as People & Houses.
Today we are going to attempt to school at Tim Hortons as the van is due at the shop to get the CD player fixed.
As much as I am happy that school is going well, not all days are sunshine and roses. CO is a child with a controlling personality. Some days he just digs his heals in and I end up losing my cool. But overall, things run well. CO would like more PD days overall, but on the most part is doing very well. One of the great things about homeschooling is that he can learn at his own pace. Right now he can build three digit numbers with manipulatives, he can add and subtract three digit numbers but he can't read numbers out loud higher than 10. It is odd. And so we are spending a lot of time these days reviewing and going over names of numbers, playing math games, doing dot-to-dots, etc. I am hoping we master this by the new year, but if not, we will continue to practice and practice in different ways :)
His reading...going well. I was nervous. He loved the reading program we are following last year. This fall, he was fighting it a lot so we jumped to the reading program that comes with Sonlight and then he became confident in his reading again and was ready to jump back into the first program. He just started into the 3rd reader and is loving being able to document and see the progress he is making. I am happy too because as much as I love Sonlight, their readers aren't just on the same level of interest and creativity as the other program.
T and I are also doing school together on the days that he is home. Our relationship is rocky at best. I think he deflects his anger on losing his first family my way, and I struggle with his clingy, whiny ways :) Don't get me wrong, he is a great kid that is eager to please on the most part. He just yells and is rude to me a lot. He doesn't take correction from me well and often just blows up yelling at me telling me I am wrong when I point out things (like his shoes are on the wrong feet...which they are 75% of the time)
T was not ready for the reading program this past Spring when I tried it with him. He wanted to be ready, but he just got too frustrated with himself right away and he isn't one that plugs away at something to master it, he is quick to throw in the towel. Last month I pulled it out with him again. He was ready this time. It has been good for us. I am able to encourage him and he is able to see that I am right about the fact that he is able to do things as long as he has the right attitude about it.
One of my biggest concerns with T is his lack of auditory comprehension (me reading out instruction and he following them step by step). I am not sure if it is him only listening to the first bit of what I say and then jumping the gun or if he is actually just missing the whole set of instructions. I am having to slow down, and work on how I approach correction so he doesn't right away either yell at me or get mad at himself for doing it wrong and shutting down.
T and my relationship really is a big need of prayer. CO is a difficult kid to raise but on the most part I understand where he is coming from and why. I am also usually able to predict how a situation will turn out when it comes to CO.
T...not so much. He is such a cup half empty kinda kid. He has huge holes where he is needy and clingy and at the same time he pushes me away and deflects a lot of anger my way. Me, I am not the greatest at keeping my cool when being yelled at or having faces made at me. I am also not the greatest at having him 'hover'. I can't go into a room without him following me. He doesn't necessarily stay in the same room the whole time but he is always keeping tabs on where I am and what I am doing. I am not used to someone constantly watching me and questioning my actions.
B isn't officially doing school. I do give her learning activities to do while the boys are doing school (if she chooses to do them rather than just play). She knows where a lot of her activities are kept and will often just get out an activity and set it up on the kitchen floor to do (even not during school time). Often if I am cooking she will get one out and do it. B is a smart cookie. Many people have commented to me that they are surprised that she is only 2 years 3 months as she has really good fine motor skills and observation skills.
Her language is coming along. Grandma claims to still not ever understand her. The funny thing is she doesn't talk in single words but in paragraphs :) She rattles away in gibberish and throws in a clear word or phrase here and there. She loves puzzles, reading stories and looking after her baby doll. She is not an angel...she is stubborn, bossy and throws a huge hissy fit when she doesn't get her own way (which is many times in a day) but overall she is cheerful and charming.

my son the baker...

I have been very blessed to find a mom & kid group that meets on Tuesday mornings not far from where I live. I think this is my third year attending. One of the biggest things that attracted me to the group was that while the moms were doing a Bible Study and fellowship, the kids were also doing a Bible study and having fellowship. There is also other homeschooling families that attend so there is a class for the elementary age kids.
This is CO's first year to be a part of the elementary group. He was VERY nervous and it was hard to convince him that being in Grade 1 means that he can do more and better things.  Well, this groups has been great for him and he now runs into the church building each Tuesday to meet up with his class. This week he was in charge of 'snack'. He planned for weeks what he was going to make. His plans kept changing as he was inspired by new recipes and photos. In the end he settled on cupcakes. They were marble (blue, yellow and red) with chocolate icing. He LOVED doing this, and was capable of doing most of it himself, I unfortunately have zero photos of him baking or the finished product. I need to get my camera out more. I have been terrible at capturing our daily life these last few months.
This morning, CO decided that he needed to also bring juice boxes (so we swung by the grocery store on the way to the church). The cupcakes must have been a hit as they all disappeared. I sprang for a bag of apples when we were at the grocery store (none were eaten)...

T loves his class too, but hates the fact that his brother is in a 'big boy' class and he is with preschool and kinder aged kids. The teachers change every couple of weeks (as they are volunteers) and T's teacher today brought in a guitar...T LOVES music so his class was a big hit today.

B is B :) she struts with confidence wherever she goes. She walks into the nursery, hands her 'purse' to one of the ladies and then marches off to play with the toys.

The book the moms are studying at this current time is about encouragement. I am getting a lot out of the study and am so blessed to have found this group.

the tv has been turned off...no date for it to go back on

Many things led to my tv being shut off. There is a big sign on my tv declaring it to be off until further notice. The final straw was when someone chucked the remote control at someone's face in anger and caused a bloody nose.
Since the sign went up, there was lot of anger and tears directed my way...after a couple of minutes they realised I was serious. And the only thing that was going to change my mind was an attitude change on their behalf. We have 3 rules in our house. 1. Obey 2. Be Kind 3. Be a Helper. I can still hear little J reciting them. Well, the tv is off until those three rules are being followed at a greater level than they are now.

Evening one with no tv...the children ALL played with Duplo. They learned to trade and negotiate for desired parts. I opened a book and helped B with her Duplo house. Overall, an evening that had no TV sucking out my children's brains.

I picked up a book and snuggled into my bed early. It was a book left behind by my MIL. Well at 230 I finished the book. Not a wise plan of action with 3 kids but none the less worth it.
I cried and blubbered a lot.

it is November....

It blows me away that it is November already. Even more that it is 9 days into the month already.
My house is filled with more joy as the days progress.
The noises are more of playing together than against.
The boys have been creating structures/forts out of cardboard. The noises that fill my house are of kids playing house, being superheros, animal rescuers, construction workers, etc. The boys get lost in imaginative play and I love it. Currently my extra pumpkins are being used as 'Christmas gifts' under a pretend tree as they were playing Christmas today.
B is a joy. She has her stubborn, frustrating moments as any toddler does, but overall...she is a joy. She loves to play 'mom' with her Flopsy bunny and her baby doll. Her speech is coming along which is a relief (no words when she came in the spring...barely any noise). She is all about the BLING. Which is SO funny because people think it is me influencing her to wear jewelry, etc. but NOPE all her! I am responsible for the fact that she is in dresses daily, she is the accessorizer! necklaces, bracelets, purses, shoes, etc. She loves to spend time in the kichen with me. Just watching what I am doing and working on her language. (I wash a fork...she says 'fork'. I cut up potatoes...she says 'potato')
My children are filled with music. They sing, they dance, they beat my chairs with drumsticks while putting on concerts.
I am blessed!
That is NOT to say that things are all peace and harmony. NOPE. There is still yelling, fighing and discord. But we are working on that :)
I am working with the kids this month to spread joy to others. We spent a couple of days making pumpkin donuts and giving them away to our neighbours.
The Christmas music has begun playing in the house and I want the next two months to be a focus of 'giving' rather than 'getting'. This will be our first Christmas as a family of 4. Exciting!
I was blessed to be able to go away for a weekend last month to 'sewing camp'. It was a whirlwind of a few days but the majority of it was spent at my sewing machine. I was happy that I was able to get my big 'goal' tackled and that was making Christmas Stockings for the family. T & B have never had a stocking before.
I am trying my hardest to not go crazy with 'stuff' this Christmas. Not an easy task....

The boys are busy with Beavers, Swimming and Awana. We switched Awana groups this year and I am very glad that we did. The boys are very excited about being in Awana this year and work hard to achieve the awards.

a celebrating kind of day

Today was a celebrating kind of day.

CO completed his math text book!
I signed the paperwork that is filed with the courts to make the adoptions official...now I just have to wait for the paperwork back with the judge's signature and seal.

So we celebrated. After finishing up school and heading off to CAS to sign the paperwork, CO decided on Wendy's (they have an inside playground and it was a wet and cold kinda day).
The playground ended up being closed because someone ran into the building and they were in the process of repairing the damages.
But I thought that it was a good choice to eat, not because I like Wendy's food....but because Wendy's founder Dave Th*mas advocated for foster kids to be adopted. A good way to celebrate a couple of adoptions!