Tired

Well just got home from a 2am trip to the emergency. Shortly after 1am Tristan woke us all up with his death shrill. I turned on my light and called him to come to me and his face was covered in blood.
Seems he fell climbing down from the top bunk to go pee and landed on his face. I have no clue how he accomplished it but his bottom teeth went straight through his lip, his top tooth cut down by his chin and he jammed his top front tooth back into his gums (or broke it)
8 stitches later we are back home. Will have to call the dentist as soon he opens in the morning for xrays and a consult.
There is something to say about small town hospitals. There are three hospitals I could have gone to. I choose the one that was just a couple of more minutes away and I am glad I did. We were the only ones there. Quick service! No wait.
Hopefully I get some sleep. Only got two hours before he fell.
Thanks Dad for driving over to stay with the rest of the kids. (A husband would have come in handy tonight!)

summer of bliss

two summers ago I would not have been able to predict
last summer I would not have been able to predict

there is peace in my house
there is calm in my house
there is love and joy in my house

all those things aren't always there...but the hours of wailing, the constant fighting, the evenings of me just being 'done', etc. they have diminished
The boys play...together...willingly

overall there is less hurting, more thinking of others & less sneaking

it has been a crazy year in terms of childcare. we lost some long time sitters, we gained many that didn't stick around

but even through all the instability while I was at work...we have THRIVED!

Two summers ago I very much questioned what God's plan was...what was he thinking?? CO and I were still mourning loosing J and all of a sudden God expanded our family with chaos. How could he possibly expect me NOT to become an alcoholic raising these three extremely different children? (kidding)

Last summer was a summer of chaos. CO was in chaos. He was all over the place with his moods, he was all over the place with his feelings, it was tough. I could not figure out the root of what was going on with him. He was suffering from some headaches but I didn't know if it was the source of the moods or a side effect of something else. We visited doctors and did allergy testing. I did some research online and talked virtually to other moms who have adopted and in the end I jumped into essential oils with CO. I didn't tell many people. Within months people were making comments about how he was 'growing up'. I felt like I had finally stopped chasing my child whose name is a verb. Things weren't perfect but they was more calm than chaos. This past Easter I saw a side of my son that was a puzzle piece to the chaos that was the summer before. More changes.
We removed stuff from his diet and the difference between last summer and this summer with him...NIGHT and DAY!

Homeschooling T was just what he and I needed for our relationship. It is what our whole family needed in the relationship department. I saw much progress with him overall with attachment and his taking ownership of his health and hygiene. He was much more joyful. And then he had an encounter with his first family that caused lots of emotions and steps back. It resulted in T and I having a very tough spring. I honestly considered shipping him away to family for a few weeks just to allow me to get my feet back under me and catch my breath. I felt awful for considering it but his setbacks were stressful for the whole family. With lots of prayer, time and conversations, I think we are back to a road of healing for that boy. I think he and I will always have our head butting ways. He is such an emotional, artsy boy and I am such a 'suck it up' kinda mom. July was much better than April - June. It isn't perfect. He still has lots going on in his heart and mind that he is dealing with, but overall...I see healing. He is now just doing better with his hygiene again. (knock on wood as it has been only less than a week that there has been improvement in this department)

B is B! She is such a blessing to me. She is my calm in the storm. She is a spitfire, sassy, bossy princess! But at the same time she is loving. She is giving. God knew that I would need her as my calm in the storm that is her brothers.
She tells me multiple times a day that she loves me, that I am the best mommy, that I am so nice. She is a giver...of rocks, leaves, whatever she finds. She is my helper, my shadow and she radiates JOY. She also has a talent for conning people into doing 'for' her what she can do. She is stubborn and strong willed, but overall she radiates JOY.  Sometimes I will just stand outside the bathroom and listen to her singing songs of worship to God, it does my heart good!
This summer she mastered a two wheeler. I did not predict this to happen this summer as she is a very cautious and not confident child when it comes to cycling. In the past with her tricycle, she carried more than she sat on it. With her balance bike she walked it. She refused to pedal anything. She was worried about falling, about getting hurt, etc.
In May we came to the cottage and she seemed to finally catch on to gliding and balancing on her balance bike (a bicycle that was given to us and I had the pedals taken off).
In July, she rode. She was given a new bike. No training wheels and once she figured out the pedaling there was no stopping her...well other than the trees, buildings, etc. She hasn't mastered stopping. But over the month she has gone from being a panicked cyclist to a happy and mostly confident cyclist.

So far this summer has been one of bliss. We haven't done much. But we have played and relaxed and just overall enjoyed what is our cottage and what it has to offer us. It is a 12x24 foot building with only running cold water, but is a sanctuary and haven. We've swam, kayaked, bicycled and spent time with friends. We've had campfires, family visit, friends visit and learned chess.
Life is good. God is good.

There has been another big change in our family. My niece and her dog have moved in. There were a few big things that happened to bring this about, but overall I think it is the best move for everyone concerned for right now. My brother's new job has him travelling a lot and I believe that staying with me is what my niece needs right now.  At the end of June we did some rearranging of bedrooms, I am now in the smallest  room and the walls are decorated with B's bunnies and birds still. M and B are in bunk beds in the master bedroom. Within a week of her moving in, we headed off to the cottage for a big chunk of the summer. I know August is going to begin the month of adjustments for all as we figure out our new normal back at home. I will not only be homeschooling my three, but I will be supervising my niece in high school and helping her develop the skills of organization and time management that she needs in order to find success academically. 

So lots of prayer overall. For healing, for our family as it finds its new normal.

For our extended family. CO's Papa needs lots of prayers in the health department and for his heart and soul.

I look at this month of July. It has been a good summer. Compared to the last three Julys, it has been the best! For this I am truly thankful! He gets all the credit! God it good.

I have another almost two weeks booked off in August. Plans for what will happen during that time are not set in stone and are very much in the air.

guess we are not done yet....update

SO, I packed away the Duplo this past Spring. And had it stacked in the corner of the front porch. I was thinking we'd bless it to someone else since B is the only one that really built with it this past winter. The boys play with the vehicles but I was thinking my hopes for having 'building boys' kinda went out the window. WELL, this past Wednesday the boys unpacked it while I was visiting with dear old friends and they have been playing with it non-stop. AND their non-stop play of house has transferred to Duplo. Seriously I was getting sick of 'house'. It has been non-stop in this house for two months. I mean like EVERY day, non-stop. It is the only way T would play. If they were digging in the sandbox it was while playing 'house' and it was two weeks non-stop of the boys calling eachother husband and wife. I tried explaining that people didn't call eachother by their titles but to no avail. And T was constantly wearing skirts, tutus on his head for long hair, he even drew makeup on his face with not washable marker. It is in those moments that I have to remember that maturity wise he is still just 4, NOT 6 1/2.

But they are building, well atleast the oldest is. The duplo men have expanded the 'house' characters to more than just a wife and husband! yeah!

So I guess another winter of Duplo taking over the living room is in order...I will embrace the imagination!

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football
CO is playing tackle football.

it took him a bit to figure it out and embrace it (as he is hesitant with all change) but he LOVES it. What big kid who loves to wrestle wouldn't? you can tackle and knock over other kids and not get in trouble!
the thing I love about football: is it active (3 hours of practice a week), it is very much about teamwork and the coaches are touch and encouraging at the same time, hard work in practice is rewarded with more game time, I only had to supply the cleats and mouth guard (total less than $10 as the cleats were bought 2nd hand by Nana)
what I don't like about football: I DON'T fit in with the other parents very well. I struggle to listen to them joke and complain about their personal lives and deadbeat spouses. I have two VERY busy evenings as Tuesdays is choir and football and Thursdays is swimming and football. There have been 4 fundraisers already. I understand that they need money for expenses but honestly...I can't justify this many in two months to my family and neighbours.

Overall I am SO happy that he loves it so much. It is for three months in the fall and then again in the spring. 

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choir
T has music running through his veins. He is constantly singing and beating out a rhythm.
I found a local kids choir and it is AMAZING! he is the youngest. They prefer them to start at age 7 but said they would give him a chance because of his passion. It was explained to him that it was an honour for them to take him below the desired age so he needed to do his best to be 'big'.
He loves it. It is a great outlet for him, he is learning SO much and in a few months, the concerts will probably begin. I really like that this group is big on performing in the community (schools, seniors homes, etc.)

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school
I am teaching them all this year. (well B is making me school her too...she is my eager student...wanting to know where her math test is too, etc.)
I schooled T on the days he was home last year. I also did some school all summer. So, we've transitioned well. We've developed a good rhythm. I started out with us just doing the basics and every couple of weeks I am adding to the workload. The boys are doing well. We have our bad days and moments but the goal is to school 4 days a week (we take Tuesdays off for co-op) so they are really having school 5 days a week but only 4 at home.
Due to the fact that I am finding things so much more harmonious these days, I am signing us up for more field trips with the home school groups, etc.
We went on a trip to a honey farm. VERY fun and cool.
my kids got to pet a bee!













and in a couple of weeks the boys are going to do tree climbing (with ropes and harnesses)

all the kids are doing swim lessons through the group as well

my love/hate relationship with....socks

I love bare feet. (which a little 3 year old boy referred to them as 'bare pigs' this summer and that phrase melted my heart)
I walk bare foot around my house inside and out. I am required to wear shoes at work, I take them off without even realizing it.
In the winter, I LOVE my socks. My socks are all hand knit for me by my mother and I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Before my mother started knitting me socks, I liked funky crazy socks but mostly I loved my angora goat hair ones and my wool ones.
My children make me feel differently about socks. My oldest also likes socks. ALL year round. Bugs me to no end. He leaves them helter skelter all over the house inside and out. He wears socks for days on end and I often have to peel those ones off his feet while he is in bed half asleep. My son is SO terrible for making sure that his socks end up in the laundry that often I have only one of a pair at any given time...which resulted in my son no longer wearing matched socks. The other day he wore one that was stripped red and blue and the other was a solid brown.
My oldest has giant feet that have grown quickly. My youngest son had very small feet when he joined our family but has grown like a weed since and therefore his feet have also grown. Which has resulted in socks that I have no idea who fit whom and if some of them actually fit anyone.
I have tried to fix the sock problem by buying multiple packs of the same type of socks for each child.
I have even stopped matching socks for awhile and just had a giant bucket. I got to the point that I designated two drawers in the dresser in the laundry room to be JUST for socks. Boy socks in the left drawer, Girl socks in the right. My oldest just ended up stealing all my store purchased socks because his feet grew again and his socks were too small, and because I tried hiding his socks for the summer to get him to stop wearing them with his Keen sandals.
When we were at the cottage this summer...there was NO sock issues...I didn't pack any.

Well my latest phase in trying to keep the socks under control....I took ALL socks and bagged them up. Then I purchased a set of 'weekday' socks for each child. If a child does not get his socks in the laundry, then next time Wednesday rolls around, NO socks for them. The boy's feet will match so I will know if someone is not sticking to the plan.
I am not sure if it is going to work or not. There is a single lonely Saturday sock in the downstairs bathroom on the floor.
But I have my fingers crossed that one day, the hate part of my relationship with socks will be a thing of the past.

switching out of summer mode

We spent an amazing amount of time at the cottage this summer. That was the goal. We got a week in May, two in June, four in July and two in August = 9 weeks! It was just what we needed. I arranged childcare at the cottage when possible and I took 3 weekends off between July and August.
I didn't stop school. I took small breaks. I decreased our work load drastically. I knew that it was important especially for my oldest to have the 'routine' still to his days and I didn't want to have September be a month of 'review' and 'relearning' all that was forgotten over the summer. I also didn't want the giant battle of transitioning from a life of play to a life of school and then play.

Well, I have spent many months preparing for what I wanted our 2014/2015 school year to look. I am wanting it to be a year of 'family' and growing with God.

Today, we started with our new schedule.
We of course slept in ;) In all the years of parenting my oldest son, he has been an early riser. The month of August he slowly switched from being a 7:15am riser (like clockwork all year) to an 8am risier. I am NOT complaining, it just may not work for my goal of having the 'major' part of school done by noon.
Even with us getting up late, I was still able to have the day flow as I had hoped and planned.
Our school day started with family devotions. (the few minutes before the kids were called to join me at the table, I spent time in prayer)
For family devotions we are starting with 'Leading Little Ones to God' and my goal is to do a prayer journal with the kids that we will keep track of prayer requests and all pray in round robin style.
I added a worship song or hymn (maybe I will add more as CO accepts this change) that we sing together. It will usually be in you tube format to add the visual stimulation to capture their attention more. T LOVES to sing, so he is very happy for this addition.

I also added our family Bible verse (the one I have selected for the year is Matt 27:37-39) that we recite together and then we recite our family mission statement & pledge/rules together. I figure the more we say it, the more it will sink in ;)

Also this year, a change is that instead of listing all the work that is expected for the day and the kids choosing what order they do them, there is a checklist that they do in order. Not an easy transition for CO but once he accepted it, it went well. The boys check off things as they go. This enables me to teach reading, etc. at a different time and the other child is busy working on more independent work. Last year they both would work on the same subject and I felt there was useful time wasted waiting for me to finish with the other child.

The schedule isn't perfect and I will continue to tweak it as time goes.

Also added is a star chart. Each boy can earn up to 6 stars a day (mostly for attitude and hard work). In a 5 week period, if they have earned 100 stars they earn something. For this cycle the reward is a date with Mom. I will evaluate if the goal stays the same or changes as the year progresses.

Also B is now 3, and is doing some seat work. She has always bugged to join the big boys and in the past I would throw different activities at her to occupy her. I am now going to do a letter of the week type activity with her. It is mostly art related, slightly phonics related but the goal is just to have her learn letter sounds and names. She comes and goes through school time as she wants. I made up a binder of 'A' pages for her to colour, cut and paste, etc. When she choose to jump up and join us the first time she did her little weather and feelings page as well as her 'B is for B____' page (both of these pages are dry erase so she can do them over and over again). While the boys were busy working I took her over to her ABC poster (I have it on the back of the front door and with it I have the leapfrog A and magnetic A's) and told her that we were going to learn 'A' today. We sang the alphabet while following along with the poster and then took her over to work on an 'A' colouring page. The second time she joined us, I gave her a colouring page related to the story that I was reading to the boys. The third time both the boys were busy working so I read to her an 'alligator' story and looked on a page for the letter 'A'. Then while I made lunch she watched a short you tube clip from Sesame Street that was about the letter 'A'. The rest of her morning she spent floating around (cleaning as she went) between puzzles, play kitchen, etc. She found her alligator pull toy and when I saw her with it I encouraged her to take him over to the poster and show it his letter and sing the ABC song to it.

Including B in school turned out better than I had hoped. I was worried that she would be more of a distraction. She tried in the beginning to join us at the table with her toys (which just end up distracting the boys) so I reminded her that toys stay away from the school table and that she is free to play with them away from the table. This will encourage her to learn that the table is for school (which is still fun). She is able to feel more included which is something she is wanting.

As the boys get used to the new format, I am sure that they will pick up the pace. The amount of time it took for them to tackle 'calendar' time nearly drove me off a cliff. In the end, I realized that one boy didn't actually return to Math after our group time and so he will have to finish that up after quiet time before outside play.

I need to increase my organization. I will have to add menus again to our days. Having the food more organized will very much help. My goal is also to start my day with God and my Bible. I have yet to master keeping this in my day EVERY day. It has always been sporadic. I am also wanting the boys to start this habit early so by the end of this school year, I want them also doing this. It is more difficult as they aren't actually able to read the 'Bible' really yet, but they can still spend this time with their Bibles, looking through them and in prayer.

In two weeks will be back to schooling only four days a week because we take Tuesdays off for Bible Study. The boys will be expected to do a couple of independent things before we walk out the door, and since the group has a 'home school' class they will be learning in that environment.

(now a quick glimpse of a small fraction of our summer)

this is two blocks from our house!
there is wonderful trail that runs along it for walking, cycling and we even
take our kayaks onto the water

he was VERY happy to complete is Math book

we found this turtle when walking in the woods at the cottage

messy faces...we eat outside all our meals at the cottage

yum yum

one of the two parks

our 'oasis' of a cottage....it is small and peaceful!

tuckered out (yes I know her shoulder straps are too high, I have fixed it)

our sandbox in the backyard

fun with older cousins

dancing for Canada Day

making stilts

helping bath the 'healthiest' baby on the campground

crayfishing

crayfishing with friends!

what to do??

Neglect sucks! The damage it does to a kid long term is cruddy!

I am dealing with the side effects of neglect with many different people in my family these days. I am tired of it. How much can you hold someone accountable for the crap that is who they are because their mothers neglected them when they needed someone most. The first 5 years are SO vital in a child's brain. When there is neglect, parts of the brain shut down and become mi-wired.

http://www.thinkkids.org/learn/our-collaborative-problem-solving-approach/

is an interesting view on assisting those who are in this boat...

now to spend the night researching...


Please Pray for my family. There are lots of struggles. Especially with two. Pray for the kid's parents that they will be able to parent the children in the best healing way for the children.

July is just around the corner...

The kids struggled with my return to work. CO the most. It was a slow acceptance for him. I think he slept in my bed for over a month. After the second weekend I worked, there was vomit from him stressing over things.

now it is the end of June. He is back into the swing of things.

It has been a roller coaster ride since going back to work. My beloved client P passed away. I have been working with him since I moved here. It was very sudden. I mourned him a long time. The stress of not knowing what was happening with my job after he died did a number on me for a couple of weeks (over the last few years, the clients in the house have slowly moved out and this client was the last in the house). After two and a half weeks, I was finally told my fate and I got to keep my '40 hour weekend' which was my biggest worry. I had so many struggles with the kids with me going back to work that I couldn't imagine having to transition them to me working 5 days a week (which was a possibility. With the agency I work for the only guarantee is full time hours, not the schedule)

I am now working with elderly clients. A strange change after working with only high behaviours these past years. It is a much more mellow environment. I still miss P. I hear him daily in moments as I come across things.

T had been struggling through May and June. He was making improvements but I think the knowledge of schooling ending was the root of things as well as his teacher left on MAT leave.

These past couple of weeks CO has been off. Lots of old behaviours resurfaced. I think his is partly because there has been a change with the weekend sitters. I had two quit suddenly. (one of them I was happy to leave as I was ready to be done with her...the other I didn't mind...she was a bit on the lazy side)
So my life is a rollercoaster. This is just the cliff notes of things.

Overall, I love my life. I am blessed. It is hard. Single parenting sucks most of the time. I had a hard time figuring out how to get errands done these last couple of months once the boys evening programs ended. Grocery shopping with kids with food issues is NOT fun.

Monday we leave for the cottage for a month. I am SO loving our life there. It is simple and free.

I am blessed.

February & March Books Read

Books I read
1.


Chapter books I read with the kids
1. Happy Times in Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
3. The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
4. Runaway Mouse by Beverly Cleary
5. Ramona and her Mother by Beverly Cleary


Picture books I read multiple times this month
1. Good Night Moon (B's fav)
2. Goodnight Rabbit (which was my sister's fav book when she first came to Canada)
3. Going on a Bear Hunt (B loves this one and every time I read it I am reminded how much J didn't :) he would always refuse the book because the bear scared him)
4. Noah's Ark