Neglect sucks! The damage it does to a kid long term is cruddy!
I am dealing with the side effects of neglect with many different people in my family these days. I am tired of it. How much can you hold someone accountable for the crap that is who they are because their mothers neglected them when they needed someone most. The first 5 years are SO vital in a child's brain. When there is neglect, parts of the brain shut down and become mi-wired.
http://www.thinkkids.org/learn/our-collaborative-problem-solving-approach/
is an interesting view on assisting those who are in this boat...
now to spend the night researching...
Please Pray for my family. There are lots of struggles. Especially with two. Pray for the kid's parents that they will be able to parent the children in the best healing way for the children.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
July is just around the corner...
The kids struggled with my return to work. CO the most. It was a slow acceptance for him. I think he slept in my bed for over a month. After the second weekend I worked, there was vomit from him stressing over things.
now it is the end of June. He is back into the swing of things.
It has been a roller coaster ride since going back to work. My beloved client P passed away. I have been working with him since I moved here. It was very sudden. I mourned him a long time. The stress of not knowing what was happening with my job after he died did a number on me for a couple of weeks (over the last few years, the clients in the house have slowly moved out and this client was the last in the house). After two and a half weeks, I was finally told my fate and I got to keep my '40 hour weekend' which was my biggest worry. I had so many struggles with the kids with me going back to work that I couldn't imagine having to transition them to me working 5 days a week (which was a possibility. With the agency I work for the only guarantee is full time hours, not the schedule)
I am now working with elderly clients. A strange change after working with only high behaviours these past years. It is a much more mellow environment. I still miss P. I hear him daily in moments as I come across things.
T had been struggling through May and June. He was making improvements but I think the knowledge of schooling ending was the root of things as well as his teacher left on MAT leave.
These past couple of weeks CO has been off. Lots of old behaviours resurfaced. I think his is partly because there has been a change with the weekend sitters. I had two quit suddenly. (one of them I was happy to leave as I was ready to be done with her...the other I didn't mind...she was a bit on the lazy side)
So my life is a rollercoaster. This is just the cliff notes of things.
Overall, I love my life. I am blessed. It is hard. Single parenting sucks most of the time. I had a hard time figuring out how to get errands done these last couple of months once the boys evening programs ended. Grocery shopping with kids with food issues is NOT fun.
Monday we leave for the cottage for a month. I am SO loving our life there. It is simple and free.
I am blessed.
now it is the end of June. He is back into the swing of things.
It has been a roller coaster ride since going back to work. My beloved client P passed away. I have been working with him since I moved here. It was very sudden. I mourned him a long time. The stress of not knowing what was happening with my job after he died did a number on me for a couple of weeks (over the last few years, the clients in the house have slowly moved out and this client was the last in the house). After two and a half weeks, I was finally told my fate and I got to keep my '40 hour weekend' which was my biggest worry. I had so many struggles with the kids with me going back to work that I couldn't imagine having to transition them to me working 5 days a week (which was a possibility. With the agency I work for the only guarantee is full time hours, not the schedule)
I am now working with elderly clients. A strange change after working with only high behaviours these past years. It is a much more mellow environment. I still miss P. I hear him daily in moments as I come across things.
T had been struggling through May and June. He was making improvements but I think the knowledge of schooling ending was the root of things as well as his teacher left on MAT leave.
These past couple of weeks CO has been off. Lots of old behaviours resurfaced. I think his is partly because there has been a change with the weekend sitters. I had two quit suddenly. (one of them I was happy to leave as I was ready to be done with her...the other I didn't mind...she was a bit on the lazy side)
So my life is a rollercoaster. This is just the cliff notes of things.
Overall, I love my life. I am blessed. It is hard. Single parenting sucks most of the time. I had a hard time figuring out how to get errands done these last couple of months once the boys evening programs ended. Grocery shopping with kids with food issues is NOT fun.
Monday we leave for the cottage for a month. I am SO loving our life there. It is simple and free.
I am blessed.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
February & March Books Read
Books I read
1.
Chapter books I read with the kids
1. Happy Times in Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
3. The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
4. Runaway Mouse by Beverly Cleary
5. Ramona and her Mother by Beverly Cleary
Picture books I read multiple times this month
1. Good Night Moon (B's fav)
2. Goodnight Rabbit (which was my sister's fav book when she first came to Canada)
3. Going on a Bear Hunt (B loves this one and every time I read it I am reminded how much J didn't :) he would always refuse the book because the bear scared him)
4. Noah's Ark
1.
Chapter books I read with the kids
1. Happy Times in Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Henry Huggins by Beverly Cleary
3. The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
4. Runaway Mouse by Beverly Cleary
5. Ramona and her Mother by Beverly Cleary
Picture books I read multiple times this month
1. Good Night Moon (B's fav)
2. Goodnight Rabbit (which was my sister's fav book when she first came to Canada)
3. Going on a Bear Hunt (B loves this one and every time I read it I am reminded how much J didn't :) he would always refuse the book because the bear scared him)
4. Noah's Ark
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
the end and beginning...
My parental leave is over. I started back to work last weekend. I was very sad driving into work last weekend. I didn't get much sleep at work as one of the clients stayed up until almost 3am watching tv (plus day light savings, dst, time was a factor) and I was just wide awake. Not exactly sure why.
Work was good. Short as I just worked the Sunday part of the shift. But overall, I fell back into the job without a hitch.
I returned home to two very over tired boys. They were late in settling to sleep Saturday night as my father let the cat out of the bag that I was headed into work (I had just told them I was going back to work in March and after that I just said 'soon' as I didn't want them to get worried or anxious) and then they missed an hour of sleep due to dst, then they didn't settle at quiet time and rest Sunday afternoon. Needless to say come bedtime Sunday night, my oldest was an over tired emotional wreck. He doesn't handle change well, especially when that change involves us not being together. He was a weepy, anxious, overtired wreck come bedtime and just begged me to stay upstairs with him. I brought him downstairs to get him calm. We watched the pvr'd episode of Heartland, by this time he was done with the weeping and then we snuggled together into my bed. His tears returned but he was more rational. After more reassurance that I would stay with him, he finally fell asleep. The next son was up in the night with nightmares.
Returning to work kinda sucks for the everyone. Well except B....she is my cool cat :) She just needed some snuggles after I got home and she was ok :) She doesn't carry as much baggage as the boys.
Before I headed into work, I had all figured out what was happening with childcare and I had all my ducks in a row (at least until Easter). Last night my ducks began to scatter. Which sent me into a panic (two nights previous of not enough sleep did not help things) and I was an emotional crying mess. I had to remind myself that God has the whole situation under control.
I got the boys quickly through school this morning (we aren't taking a week off right now as we are going to time off at Easter) and we headed off to visit C's chickens (they moved to a farm as we aren't allowed them in town and a neighbour complained...not sure if I blogged about it or not). It was a beautiful Spring day. I know Spring is probably not here to stay, but today was beautiful and we enjoyed it while we could. We spent the rest of the morning at the farm. I talked with my friend there and she gave me a couple of names to try for childcare. I left feeling much better about things. The children had a great time with the animals and mucking in mud.
My cousin's daughter is here for the rest of the week. I always enjoy having her as all the kids get along with her and when she is here it is company for me and an extra set of eyes and helping hands. Right now she is on a bread making boat (inspired by my baking bread earlier in the day)...right now my house smells yummy. She cleaned the kitchen from supper without being asked while I was getting the children ready for bed....so very nice and appreciated!
these photos are of CO when he was three. He loved mud then and he still loves mud today! He announced today that he was very excited for Spring because he was looking forward to playing with mud! (let the laundry marathon of muddy clothes begin!)
Work was good. Short as I just worked the Sunday part of the shift. But overall, I fell back into the job without a hitch.
I returned home to two very over tired boys. They were late in settling to sleep Saturday night as my father let the cat out of the bag that I was headed into work (I had just told them I was going back to work in March and after that I just said 'soon' as I didn't want them to get worried or anxious) and then they missed an hour of sleep due to dst, then they didn't settle at quiet time and rest Sunday afternoon. Needless to say come bedtime Sunday night, my oldest was an over tired emotional wreck. He doesn't handle change well, especially when that change involves us not being together. He was a weepy, anxious, overtired wreck come bedtime and just begged me to stay upstairs with him. I brought him downstairs to get him calm. We watched the pvr'd episode of Heartland, by this time he was done with the weeping and then we snuggled together into my bed. His tears returned but he was more rational. After more reassurance that I would stay with him, he finally fell asleep. The next son was up in the night with nightmares.
Returning to work kinda sucks for the everyone. Well except B....she is my cool cat :) She just needed some snuggles after I got home and she was ok :) She doesn't carry as much baggage as the boys.
Before I headed into work, I had all figured out what was happening with childcare and I had all my ducks in a row (at least until Easter). Last night my ducks began to scatter. Which sent me into a panic (two nights previous of not enough sleep did not help things) and I was an emotional crying mess. I had to remind myself that God has the whole situation under control.
I got the boys quickly through school this morning (we aren't taking a week off right now as we are going to time off at Easter) and we headed off to visit C's chickens (they moved to a farm as we aren't allowed them in town and a neighbour complained...not sure if I blogged about it or not). It was a beautiful Spring day. I know Spring is probably not here to stay, but today was beautiful and we enjoyed it while we could. We spent the rest of the morning at the farm. I talked with my friend there and she gave me a couple of names to try for childcare. I left feeling much better about things. The children had a great time with the animals and mucking in mud.
My cousin's daughter is here for the rest of the week. I always enjoy having her as all the kids get along with her and when she is here it is company for me and an extra set of eyes and helping hands. Right now she is on a bread making boat (inspired by my baking bread earlier in the day)...right now my house smells yummy. She cleaned the kitchen from supper without being asked while I was getting the children ready for bed....so very nice and appreciated!
Saturday, February 1, 2014
January Books Read
1. Crossfire by Jeanette Windle
2. Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah D. Gray
3. Unglued by Lysa Terkeurs
Read Alouds with the CO
1. The Children of Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield
Childrens books with T (the ones he really enjoyed and I read multiple times)
1. Choo Choo by Virginia Lee Burton
2. Press Here by Herve Tullet
2. Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah D. Gray
3. Unglued by Lysa Terkeurs
Read Alouds with the CO
1. The Children of Noisy Village by Astrid Lindgrin
2. Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield
Childrens books with T (the ones he really enjoyed and I read multiple times)
1. Choo Choo by Virginia Lee Burton
2. Press Here by Herve Tullet
Friday, January 24, 2014
our schooling journey...
Well I got to teach both of my boys all week. T had a cold so he stayed home from school. It was a nice glimpse of our future (yes I am planning on teaching both the boys next year). I have spent a lot of time in prayer and planning trying to figure out how to teach two boys will essentially be grade 1 & 2 but with only 6 months gap in age. Well currently the decision, is to teach them both the same in all subjects other than Math and Reading. The thought of teaching them separately seems like a lot of work for such a small age gap and I think having them learn together will be unifying for them. I may actually have them fairly close in to being together in reading and math come fall. T spends time learning not only his lessons but also his brother's so I am fairly sure that when it comes to his time to have the lessons he has witnessed his brother have, he will just speed right through them :) It is SO fun to watch them be sponges for learning! I am SO thankful that God has blessed me with the job that I have so that I am able to teach my boys and be with them M-F. It is so great to watch them finally figure out something that they have been struggling to figure out. It is so great to be able to celebrate with them when understanding kicks in.
This week T was doing a reading lesson about the short letter 'u'. Oh it was such a crazy lesson for him. He knew the letter sound. He would tell the sound of all the letters in the word but when it came time to blending them, he would say the word with the short 'o' sound. For instance he would have the word 'bug' say 'b-u-g bog'. I am not sure that this is something that would have been caught right away if he was having this same lesson in a group setting. He has developed some incorrect habits when it comes to his speech because he doesn't have top teeth so I am not sure if nobody ever thought to make sure that even if his teeth weren't there, that he was still using his mouth in the proper formation to make the sounds. We do a lot of correcting as I am a firm believer that if you aren't pronouncing your words properly, you aren't going to master reading them properly either. Well, we had a few days in a row this week that we could focus on the lesson at his pace. Lots of practice and today when he was reading his fluency page for the lesson, he only switched out the 'o' for the 'u' a couple of times rather than every time. We celebrated. It brought us closer (I would like to believe) and I got to share in this with him.
I am loving the math program we are using. CO is good at math...if he applies himself. That is probably one of his biggest struggles. He SO bad wants to be able to play and do school at the same time. Something that is rarely successful. The program we are using is set up so that they watch a lesson on a DVD with me and then they spend the rest of the week working on practicing what they have learning and reviewing what they have learned thus far. My goal for CO is to watch the lesson Monday and write the lesson test on Friday. Well this week, I was seeing that he wasn't grasping the lesson 100% by mid week and rather than sticking to the schedule for him to write the test today, I made up some flash cards to give him lots more practice and review. He will probably not write his test until the middle of next week so we can practice with the flash cards some more. This is one of the reasons why I home school. So that my boy's can learn at their own pace. In a group school setting, he would probably have started to fall behind and it would have been up to me to spend the evenings trying to catch him up when we were both tired, he would be frustrated and deflated because he would not have been on par with his peers potentially causing him to get farther and farther behind. It would mean we wouldn't be spending our evenings reading going on grand adventures while reading chapter books together but rather struggling through homework.
The math program explains thing in a fun way. For example a couple of weeks ago it was adding with 9. So, 9+5, 9+6, etc. The way they explain it is that 9 wants to be a 10 because being 10 is VERY cool. So it uses the one hole that it has as a vacuum and steals one from the other number, so with 9+5....9 wants to be a ten...make a quick suction noise 'slurp' and that leaves 5 as a four...and the nine as a 10 meaning 14. I am probably explaining it not as clearly. So the lesson after that was adding with 8. 8 has two holes so it does two 'slurps'. It is fun for a boy to make vacuum noises to do his math.
here are the boys heading to swim lessons together. They are wearing insulated coveralls over their bathing suits :) Makes for being ready for the lesson that much faster. While the boys lessons are at different times this time round, it enables me to do some small 1:1 work with each boy as well as get some visiting in with some of the other moms and share our schooling journeys and struggles.
This week T was doing a reading lesson about the short letter 'u'. Oh it was such a crazy lesson for him. He knew the letter sound. He would tell the sound of all the letters in the word but when it came time to blending them, he would say the word with the short 'o' sound. For instance he would have the word 'bug' say 'b-u-g bog'. I am not sure that this is something that would have been caught right away if he was having this same lesson in a group setting. He has developed some incorrect habits when it comes to his speech because he doesn't have top teeth so I am not sure if nobody ever thought to make sure that even if his teeth weren't there, that he was still using his mouth in the proper formation to make the sounds. We do a lot of correcting as I am a firm believer that if you aren't pronouncing your words properly, you aren't going to master reading them properly either. Well, we had a few days in a row this week that we could focus on the lesson at his pace. Lots of practice and today when he was reading his fluency page for the lesson, he only switched out the 'o' for the 'u' a couple of times rather than every time. We celebrated. It brought us closer (I would like to believe) and I got to share in this with him.
I am loving the math program we are using. CO is good at math...if he applies himself. That is probably one of his biggest struggles. He SO bad wants to be able to play and do school at the same time. Something that is rarely successful. The program we are using is set up so that they watch a lesson on a DVD with me and then they spend the rest of the week working on practicing what they have learning and reviewing what they have learned thus far. My goal for CO is to watch the lesson Monday and write the lesson test on Friday. Well this week, I was seeing that he wasn't grasping the lesson 100% by mid week and rather than sticking to the schedule for him to write the test today, I made up some flash cards to give him lots more practice and review. He will probably not write his test until the middle of next week so we can practice with the flash cards some more. This is one of the reasons why I home school. So that my boy's can learn at their own pace. In a group school setting, he would probably have started to fall behind and it would have been up to me to spend the evenings trying to catch him up when we were both tired, he would be frustrated and deflated because he would not have been on par with his peers potentially causing him to get farther and farther behind. It would mean we wouldn't be spending our evenings reading going on grand adventures while reading chapter books together but rather struggling through homework.
The math program explains thing in a fun way. For example a couple of weeks ago it was adding with 9. So, 9+5, 9+6, etc. The way they explain it is that 9 wants to be a 10 because being 10 is VERY cool. So it uses the one hole that it has as a vacuum and steals one from the other number, so with 9+5....9 wants to be a ten...make a quick suction noise 'slurp' and that leaves 5 as a four...and the nine as a 10 meaning 14. I am probably explaining it not as clearly. So the lesson after that was adding with 8. 8 has two holes so it does two 'slurps'. It is fun for a boy to make vacuum noises to do his math.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
a day of celebration...
This evening on the way home from our Thursday adventures of drop Bea off at the sitter, go to swimming lessons, pick up Bea, go cook supper at my parent's, eat supper and head home...CO asked me 'how' he could ask Jesus into his heart so that he didn't have to die and spend time with that STUPID SATAN. I told him we could talk about the 'how' when we got home in a couple of minutes. I reminded him that we didn't use the 's-word' (that is what we call it...the s-word) and he piped up that Satan is STUPID even if we aren't supposed to say that word.
So this evening as I was tucking my little one into bed, I talked with him about what to do, and he prayed and asked Jesus into his heart.
So this evening as I was tucking my little one into bed, I talked with him about what to do, and he prayed and asked Jesus into his heart.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
payment...
I am SO thankful that I was prepared for the holidays before December 1st in the fact that I had the majority of the shopping done. I am...things have gone down hill from there...chaos has abounded...I don't think I was prepared for dealing with the holidays with a broken child. Looking back, I have made lots of mistakes, I have done a lot less 'christmasy' things than I have in the past but overall...I am thankful for my kids, for the true gift of the season. I am thankful for the greatest gift of all, and I hope that in years to come as my Children heal on the inside, that we will be able to do more and that the memories we make will be good ones.
I have questioned myself as a mother a lot, it has been an emotional month and I have been feeling under the weather a lot. I look forward to a new year. Overall I am not one that looks far to the future, I am normally more of an in the moment kind of person.
I am still working on our family goals for 2014.
I didn't get Christmas cards out. I got adoption announcement out so maybe I will do a letter in the near future.
I am looking forward to our Christmas Eve Service this evening. It is a candle light carol sing. I am looking forward to family coming tomorrow and celebrating with family again the following day.
and I may or may not have used the advent chocolates to pay my children for helpfulness, happiness and harmony today....
From my family to yours, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May Blessing Abound!
I have questioned myself as a mother a lot, it has been an emotional month and I have been feeling under the weather a lot. I look forward to a new year. Overall I am not one that looks far to the future, I am normally more of an in the moment kind of person.
I am still working on our family goals for 2014.
I didn't get Christmas cards out. I got adoption announcement out so maybe I will do a letter in the near future.
I am looking forward to our Christmas Eve Service this evening. It is a candle light carol sing. I am looking forward to family coming tomorrow and celebrating with family again the following day.
and I may or may not have used the advent chocolates to pay my children for helpfulness, happiness and harmony today....
From my family to yours, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May Blessing Abound!
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