that is the question. I have changed my feelings about this many times over the years. Origionally I blogged to keep in contact with a specific group of girls that I was close to...but after many years....we aren't really in contact anymore.
I have also switched my blog name many times....to go with how I was feeling, and what my vague goals were in blogging.
I have not blogged much recently. I was torn as I am not supposed to post photos of my son (who is yet to be 100% legally mine) which I was doing, so in order to be honest with my social workers and let my conscience be my guide (the whole Biblical law of obeying the laws of the land), I quit adding photos...
Also the last blog I had was called McGee, C & me....which is now nolonger relevant as McGee died this past fall.
So I will go back to just trying to be honest out there with anyone who cares to read. I am going to try to stop caring what others think. And stop fretting over the fact that those who I once considered to be my friends barely acknowledge my existence...who needs them?
me...I am still under construction...
I am working on being a better child of God
I am being a good mom (I need to be more patient and not raise my voice) who is working on teaching and guiding my little one to grow up to be a warrior for Christ
When I first contacted CAS to become a foster parent, I felt it was something that God was laying on my heart. I put it off for many years as I just didn't see how I could do it as a single mom (Silly me...forgot that with Christ ALL things are possible) so I was kind of half ass waiting for a man to come along so we could follow this path God was putting me on together.
Well over a year ago, I decided to just walk by faith and so I did...and as I was completing my paperwork, I asked my social worker to make my file ready for 'whatever' may come my way. I didn't want to come across a child that was supposed to be in my family 'now' but couldn't because I had to go back for extra training or meetings to qualify for them. And it is a good thing that I did because then I would never have gotten my little CO.
He is my busy little one
he gets into EVERYTHING
but at the same time he has the best laugh
a great sense of humor
runs like a weirdo
loves to dress up
and loves all things construction
and I am his 'mom'
but...now what?? I asked for my status with the CAS to stay open. I said I was willing to do relief work (for a child under 5)...but due to legal issues they couldn't use me as a resource because of CO's status not yet being complete and so I was considered to be a resource for his CAS rather than my own. I am still willing to do that....but it isn't likely to happen anyday soon as I am waiting for the court system to dot the i's and cross the t's to make things legal.
but in my heart....I am still waiting for my little girl....where she is....I do not know....but she is out there somewhere. In the meantime I spend it looking over photolistings online, and signing up to attend adoption exchanges.
so...what next? Sperm bank? Another CAS child? Embryo adoption? USA adoption?
I would love to hear your opinions on it all!!
but right now...I rest...it has been a long and busy day...and tomorrow will be another one as it is Moms and Tots Biblestudy and I am in charge of refreshments (which I have yet to bake) and I keep nodding off while typing this...my eyes are very heavy after all the yardwork I did today...night!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
shhh
I am tired...oh so tired. And I imagine as my week progresses I will be even more tired. Because
1. my kid is sick. He has a cold. Which I know is something that all kids get. Mine when he is sick....he moans and groans all night. I've tried drugs. He just wakes up when they wear off and declares it to be morning....
2. I was in 8 hour training yesterday to learn the new computer program. It is exhausting sitting in front of a computer
3. I have a bad habit of staying up late. I have a pvr and I use it. But I usually stay up late to watch the shows rather than saving them for a new day. I've cut back a lot of my lists of shows I pvr...but yet...Tuesday nights...there are a lot still. Lost, NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, Parenthood, 19 Kids and Counting....I know still absolutely crazy! I am still totally thinking I need to toss the stupid tv out the door and live my life without it. I would get more stuff done that is for sure.
4. I came off my weekend shift sleep deprived and didn't nap Monday as I had a HUGE amount of planning to do for Guides that night
5. My kid has been up since 430. (Actually I think that it was earlier but I want to be in denial)
so....I need COFFEE!
1. my kid is sick. He has a cold. Which I know is something that all kids get. Mine when he is sick....he moans and groans all night. I've tried drugs. He just wakes up when they wear off and declares it to be morning....
2. I was in 8 hour training yesterday to learn the new computer program. It is exhausting sitting in front of a computer
3. I have a bad habit of staying up late. I have a pvr and I use it. But I usually stay up late to watch the shows rather than saving them for a new day. I've cut back a lot of my lists of shows I pvr...but yet...Tuesday nights...there are a lot still. Lost, NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, Parenthood, 19 Kids and Counting....I know still absolutely crazy! I am still totally thinking I need to toss the stupid tv out the door and live my life without it. I would get more stuff done that is for sure.
4. I came off my weekend shift sleep deprived and didn't nap Monday as I had a HUGE amount of planning to do for Guides that night
5. My kid has been up since 430. (Actually I think that it was earlier but I want to be in denial)
so....I need COFFEE!
Monday, March 1, 2010
thrive not just survive
My goal this year is to thrive and not just survive. To not just have my days all blend in together but to accomplish things daily and set small goals.
One of the goals I have is to put meaning behind the time I spend with Chase. To have his days not just be unorganized play and a heap load of mischief. Because my boy is BUSY and if you turn your back for just a moment, he has done something he knows he is not supposed to or he has done something that he isn't to do again. For instance yesterday he was in the bathroom for 20 seconds (I had no clue his little step stool was in there and thought he was using the toilet) and in that time he opened a little bottle of scope and dumped it into the fish bowl.
I found somewhere online people doing 'toddler trays' So I invested in a few small bins with lids. I have 5 and in them I put different activities in there to work on motor skills (my kid is a gross motor kid so I want him to practice having small times where he focuses on tasks sitting down). Some activities don't spark his interst, others he will sit at for a long time. Some days one that he loved, he doens't so much the next day. It is a total hit and miss day to day thing. Last night after he went to bed, I changed the bins.
1. a grocery store flyer and a pair of kid scissors (he is working on cutting skills and we also talk about the different pictures while he cuts)
2. three markers, a papertowel, paintbrush and a cup (for water). this one he colours the papertowel and then when he is all done he paints it with water
3. pom poms, pickle tweezers and an icecube tray. He practices picking up the pom poms with the tweezers and putting them in the different sections of the tray. One day we'll work on sorting them by colour but he isn't quite ready for that yet. But we do work on counting and I talk about the colours of them.
4. shoe string and cheerios (to make a necklace)
5. stickers and a piece of paper
I think this will help me to see if 'homeschooling' is for me or not. I know he is young yet for formal learning but setting up and changing these bins and planning ahead will help me see if I will be able to stick with this long term or not...I'd really like to as I feel it is my job as a parent to educate my kid. Not just to learn to read and write but to love to learn, but to love God in all things, to give back to the community and respect those in authority over him.
So far this morning (it is only 840) he is on his third bin. He wasn't TOO interested in the painting the papertowel after colouring it with marker, but he is having lots of fun with the pom poms. The problem is he is the kind of kid that wants to do all the bins 'now'. he is a 'now' kid for sure. So he will switch bins after only a couple of minutes so he can try explore another one. Good thing he knows he has to clean up one bin before starting another one (teaching him to clean up after himself).
We also throw in colouring, playdough, stories, puzzles and baking into our days. And then I also try to have him be outside atleast 1 hour/ day and we try to get to the pool once or twice a week. And I am trying to not have tv daily (I have been failing more with this with the winter weather) but I am controlling 'what' he watches. So far the only programs he watches are 'Thomas', 'Tractor Tom', 'Curious George', 'Sesame Street' and 'Bearentain Bears'. Which is
a lot considering that he is only 2 1/2 but I try to not just turn on Tree House (mostly because 99% of those shows I consider to be more annoying than educational). I am totally considering becoming tv free or just moving it to the basement for me to have on some evenings after he is bed or while I am working on my crafts downstairs.
I collect up all his art projects and mail them off to his grandparents :). Some I take photos of first as my way of keeping a memory.
My to do list is a mile long today and it is already almost 9am and there is only one thing crossed off my list, but I have given 5 time-outs (me going back to work has made Mondays tough) made breakfast, cleaned up, read a book, dealt with one accident and made a snack.
I think today is a coffee day!
One of the goals I have is to put meaning behind the time I spend with Chase. To have his days not just be unorganized play and a heap load of mischief. Because my boy is BUSY and if you turn your back for just a moment, he has done something he knows he is not supposed to or he has done something that he isn't to do again. For instance yesterday he was in the bathroom for 20 seconds (I had no clue his little step stool was in there and thought he was using the toilet) and in that time he opened a little bottle of scope and dumped it into the fish bowl.
I found somewhere online people doing 'toddler trays' So I invested in a few small bins with lids. I have 5 and in them I put different activities in there to work on motor skills (my kid is a gross motor kid so I want him to practice having small times where he focuses on tasks sitting down). Some activities don't spark his interst, others he will sit at for a long time. Some days one that he loved, he doens't so much the next day. It is a total hit and miss day to day thing. Last night after he went to bed, I changed the bins.
1. a grocery store flyer and a pair of kid scissors (he is working on cutting skills and we also talk about the different pictures while he cuts)
2. three markers, a papertowel, paintbrush and a cup (for water). this one he colours the papertowel and then when he is all done he paints it with water
3. pom poms, pickle tweezers and an icecube tray. He practices picking up the pom poms with the tweezers and putting them in the different sections of the tray. One day we'll work on sorting them by colour but he isn't quite ready for that yet. But we do work on counting and I talk about the colours of them.
4. shoe string and cheerios (to make a necklace)
5. stickers and a piece of paper
I think this will help me to see if 'homeschooling' is for me or not. I know he is young yet for formal learning but setting up and changing these bins and planning ahead will help me see if I will be able to stick with this long term or not...I'd really like to as I feel it is my job as a parent to educate my kid. Not just to learn to read and write but to love to learn, but to love God in all things, to give back to the community and respect those in authority over him.
So far this morning (it is only 840) he is on his third bin. He wasn't TOO interested in the painting the papertowel after colouring it with marker, but he is having lots of fun with the pom poms. The problem is he is the kind of kid that wants to do all the bins 'now'. he is a 'now' kid for sure. So he will switch bins after only a couple of minutes so he can try explore another one. Good thing he knows he has to clean up one bin before starting another one (teaching him to clean up after himself).
We also throw in colouring, playdough, stories, puzzles and baking into our days. And then I also try to have him be outside atleast 1 hour/ day and we try to get to the pool once or twice a week. And I am trying to not have tv daily (I have been failing more with this with the winter weather) but I am controlling 'what' he watches. So far the only programs he watches are 'Thomas', 'Tractor Tom', 'Curious George', 'Sesame Street' and 'Bearentain Bears'. Which is
a lot considering that he is only 2 1/2 but I try to not just turn on Tree House (mostly because 99% of those shows I consider to be more annoying than educational). I am totally considering becoming tv free or just moving it to the basement for me to have on some evenings after he is bed or while I am working on my crafts downstairs.
I collect up all his art projects and mail them off to his grandparents :). Some I take photos of first as my way of keeping a memory.
My to do list is a mile long today and it is already almost 9am and there is only one thing crossed off my list, but I have given 5 time-outs (me going back to work has made Mondays tough) made breakfast, cleaned up, read a book, dealt with one accident and made a snack.
I think today is a coffee day!
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