payment...

I am SO thankful that I was prepared for the holidays before December 1st in the fact that I had the majority of the shopping done. I am...things have gone down hill from there...chaos has abounded...I don't think I was prepared for dealing with the holidays with a broken child. Looking back, I have made lots of mistakes, I have done a lot less 'christmasy' things than I have in the past but overall...I am thankful for my kids, for the true gift of the season. I am thankful for the greatest gift of all, and I hope that in years to come as my Children heal on the inside, that we will be able to do more and that the memories we make will be good ones.
I have questioned myself as a mother a lot, it has been an emotional month and I have been feeling under the weather a lot. I look forward to a new year. Overall I am not one that looks far to the future, I am normally more of an in the moment kind of person.
I am still working on our family goals for 2014.
I didn't get Christmas cards out. I got adoption announcement out so maybe I will do a letter in the near future.

 I am looking forward to our Christmas Eve Service this evening. It is a candle light carol sing. I am looking forward to family coming tomorrow and celebrating with family again the following day.
and I may or may not have used the advent chocolates to pay my children for helpfulness, happiness and harmony today....

From my family to yours, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May Blessing Abound!

I CAN'T!!!!....sigh

I can't go into the bathroom without chaos. I can't. I don't know why but it is ANNOYING! Case in point this evening...I had the forethought to lock the door after going in. Within minutes B is outside the bathroom door claiming she needed to pee potty too...no prob. I let her in, she does her business and then I send her out again and tell her to go play. She does. CO arrives at the door and wants to watch tv. I say no as he has watched enough and tell him to go play. He does, he actually heads to the tree to play with the Christmas carousel. It seems when heading to the tree, he passes T and T's foot gets stepped on. So T stands outside the bathroom door an makes the noise that sends me BATTY! I can't help it. It is an awful noise...similar to a siren. I ask him what the problem is, he says CO stepped on his foot. I ask if he needs to go to the hospital...no. So I ask him to go and play. 'I can't' is the reply. Siren continues. I ask him again to GO and play. 'I can't' is the reply. I ask him if he is tied up. no. I ask him if he is glued to the floor. no. I ask if his foot is broken and he needs to see a dr. no. T PLEASE GO play. I can't. Siren noise continues. CO asks him to stop making the noise. more chaos as there is a scuffle.
I come out of the bathroom and puts the boys on stools in the kitchen and make them sit while I wash up from supper. T is making faces at CO so I ask him to put his back to his brother. CO quickly gets calm and proceeds to reach for a book off the cook book rack on how to tie a shoe and proceeds to learn how to tie a shoe.
T asks to get off...but this is a time in and I am waiting for him to turn off his anger. He continues to glare and say mean things to his brother so I move T to the laundry room and CO goes off to find something else to do. I start folding laundry. He continues with his negative attitude. Finally he asks if he can match socks...I say yes! and he happily does. We have good talks. He is doing good. Then I leave the laundry room to deal with B's accident (her first since coming home) in the bathroom...and guess what happens??? CHAOS! CO came to the bathroom to ask for a bath and T decided to run to the bathroom door to block CO from getting past. What happens when a stick tries to stop an avalanche??? chaos! the avalanche is stronger and isn't about to be blocked by a stick. chaos. So I escort T back to his stool and ask him WHY??? he left the laundry room to cause a fight with his brother....his reply....shoulder shrug....ahhhh...so I go to finish dealing with his sister in the bathroom and he starts to say mean things to CO. So CO shuts the laundry room door which results in the siren noise. SIGH. I get CO into the tub, I get B headed upstairs to get into bed, I head to the laundry and ask him what the problem is. His reply is he doesn't like being in a room by himself. I ask him if I said mean things to him if he'd want to be in the same room as me? no. Did shut the door because you were saying mean things? yes. So, I look at the time...10 minutes PAST bedtime and I proceed to get T into pjs and into bed. I tuck T into bed and leave to get B into pjs and bed. The siren begins. So I ask what the problem is. He didn't get a chance to play! AHHHH I reminded him he was told to play but he 'couldn't'. I give him more kisses and leave to deal with B. Siren starts up again.  AHHH
I really need to be able to react to that siren nicer but it makes my skin crawl!!! It sends me batty!! It makes me loose my cool. We have some words (mine too loud). He stops.I give him a kiss and I leave...silence.
sigh
I can't go into the bathroom without chaos.

In the past to deal with the siren noise is to send it to bed! That method wasn't working. Even though I know T is tired. But sending him away just separates us, that is why I was trying plan B which was having a 'time-in'. I head back to work in less than 3 months. It is going to cause my relationship to go backwards with T. I know it will. I went out for one evening in September, the first since July (for a mtg to do with B's speech...and my parents put the kids to bed) I told T what was happening and why. He was fine. But that night he woke up 3 times crying for me.

all of this is just a vent. There has been HUGE progress with T. There really has. In July the siren would have gone off for over an hour. These days it is just minutes. There is less anger and threatening and yelling overall. Having him sit in a room with me enabled him to turn off his anger and negative mood and talk to me and enjoy himself. He didn't get to 'play' but he didn't get sent to his room for having his anger get out of control (which is what happens many evenings). Progress.
I need to measure and analyse to see the progress....it gives me strength to continue on in the journey...well with God...I would never be able to do any of this parenting of 'broken' children if it wasn't for His strength and love.

I just wish I could:
       1. go into the bathroom without chaos
       2. be able to deal with the siren in a calmer manner

so if you are the praying sort...that is my prayer request :)

*****************
photo that I stole from faceb**k (because I may or may not have stalked someone's first family on faceb**k to look for photos...sad thing...there were only a handful to steal but the ONLY ones that they will ever have of that time)

T holding B as a baby

a note to myself...

I am struggling with Christmas this year. I am struggling because I am dealing with a hurt boy that has never experienced Christmas before...first time decorating a tree, getting a stocking, etc.

I struggle to do much for Christmas because I am trying to keep the focus on giving rather than receiving, to keep the focus away from selfishness. It is hard. When I do an activity, it is usually ruined by a child who is making everything about competition and all about him. The other children are feeding off it and I hate to admit that some activities end with me loosing my cool. I have had to rethink all traditions that involve food...food is too important to someone that he gets lost in the desire for 'more more' that he can't seem to enjoy the moment.

I am avoiding Santa letters this year. Santa will still bring the kids each one present and fill the stocking but I am trying to keep the focus away from the big guy in red and more towards the ultimate gift of Jesus.

I look forward to next Christmas where he will be in the family a whole more 12 months and feel more secure in his place in the family. And I will be more experienced in dealing with the holidays with a 'hurt' child.

a note to myself: an idea for Christmas in the future...wonder if I can keep the grandparents and extended family on board for this?? because in all honesty...4 gifts is more than many children around the world see in a year let alone all in one day. In a society that is very focused on materialism and selfishness it is hard for parents to keep kids grounded from that way of thinking...

kids only get 4 gifts (One they Want, one they Need, one to Wear, and one to Read)

idea from here 

*************
on another note, I had an extra two year old over night (watching for a friend who was attending a family funeral)...let me just say 4 kids is SO much better than 3! they can pair off and switch pairs, etc. and no one gets left out or to be the third wheel.
One of the things that is hard for CO & T these days is that CO lives to be outside and T not so much (especially with the cold weather). CO get very frustrated that T isn't so eager to jump at the opportunity to play in the snow. B on the other hand LOVES to play outside with CO but she is just a toddler and can't handle the cold as long or the stamina for tobogganing and shoveling the block :)
The plow went by for the first time this morning and CO was SO excited that he was outside within minutes :)
CO is still my busy boy. He continues to be a tester and button pusher but at the same time he is my 'little man' ready and willing to help fix things, take out the garbage, deliver goodies to neighbours, etc.He loves to snuggle with me as we read chapter books and he is always full of questions of what we are reading about. My prayer for him is that he will continue to love to learn and give in the name of Jesus. 
T is FULL of music. He is always singing, dancing, humming, tapping a tune, etc. He is getting some music themed gifts for Christmas and my prayer for him is that he will use his passion and gift to glorify God.
B is my sweet blessing. She is full of gratitude & joy. She is still a typical stubborn toddler at times but overall she is full of sweetness. My prayer for her is that she will continue to bless people she comes across with her gentle and loving nature.
Last month we had a guest speaker at my Bible Study group and she talked about having a scripture verse for each of her children that she prays for each of her children for the year.  So over the next couple of weeks, that is my goal. To find a verse for each of my kids and to set our Spiritual goals for the upcoming year.

my boys last month with their troop...

'tis the season...

Well it is the 2nd of December...I am glad that my goal was to have the majority of my shopping done before the 1st as the 30th of November I was knocked over with a cold and have no energy. According to CO I have an 'ugly' voice. We cut down the tree on the 30th...in my few moments of energy but it is still in the backyard waiting to come in. I have to clean and drag the decorations upstairs still. I need a second adult to put the tree in the stand.
So, it waits.
I have yet to actually do the advent activities I wanted to...because they require energy and my voice...so we will start them a few days late and do a 'catch up' on a couple of our low key days.
I am blessed by my children. They are letting me rest and relax and are using the fact that mommy isn't well to play nicely rather than fight and get into mischief.
Last night was the kids Sunday School Concert...VERY CUTE! B was a sheppard, T was Joseph and C's class did some bell ringing. I made sure I captured the moment on video for relatives not near.
****
T and I are making improvements I think. There is less long moments of him raging (yelling, screaming and smashing stuff) which is greatly appreciated :) Tonight at supper he slammed the fridge door in anger so I asked him to open and shut the fridge door 5 times with a smile. With a smile is the part he struggles with because he would rather stay angry and yell and hurt me with his words and actions. He found something to throw and said he was going to throw it, I told him that just meant he had to pick it up. So he did and he did. But he fought and fought having to open and close the door 5 times with a smile. He yelled and yelled. He saw the rest of us start supper and yet he dug in his heels. Finally I got up and calmly reminded him that he was the one standing between him and his supper and no matter how much he was angry and yelled, he needed to choose to calm down, put a smile on and do what was asked of him. then I gave him a kiss on his forehead and walked back to the table. He waited. He was quiet. Then he put on a smile and did what he needed to. Then he joined us for supper.
I have begun to insist on the smile because otherwise I get to eat supper with a little boy yelling and scowling at me all through the meal...NO fun.
Months ago, he would have yelled and raged for 30+ minutes...tonight is was only about 5 minutes...less rage and just some anger...so I am counting my blessings :) and celebrating the baby steps.
*****
Silly me agreed to baby sit over night Saturday so my friend could go to her husband's Christmas party. So, I found myself with no voice watching a 6 year old, 5 1/2 year old, 2x 2 year olds and a 10 month old :) We survived...I am not sure I could handle that many kids long term by myself though I think once there was a routine it would run smoother. The big boys were a big help so that was nice. I even got a shower Sunday morning...a miracle when I only have my three.
*****
I have been putting together Picaboo albums. I have three printed out already. This weekend there was a 50% off sale so I finished up a fourth and am looking forward to it arriving shortly. I basically just plug away at the albums and then wait until there is a great deal before printing it off.
The fun thing is I have come across some great photos from the past.

did you realise....

did you know that when kids have knows hunger it seems that they will eat something just because
no reason
it can taste like blaa but they will still eat it
like a 90% chocolate bar just because it is chocolate
like jalapeno potato chips (that are REALLY hot and set your mouth on fire after eating just a small bite)

they can have tears running down their faces because their mouth hurts from the spicy, but they will just keep eating

it is odd

it is what happens in my house

seems that even the spicy chips for mom aren't even safe...sigh

school...

School is going very well. Sonlight works well for our family. I love how much CO enjoys being read to and learning from literature. We started late this year as we didn't jump in fully until we got back from our camping trip mid September (we did the basics while camping...most days) and my plan to school over the summer went out the window when our two newest family members joined our family in the Spring.
SK was a crazy school year for CO. The fall was spent dealing with the idea of losing J and all the stress and turmoil that went with that, and then the winter was spent with trying to deal with the grief and sorrow of no longer having J in our home and knowing we would never see him again. Then the Spring was dealing with the transition of adding two new children to the home. So with all of that...CO's first few weeks back to school this fall was in finishing up his SK curriculum and starting into his gr.1 curriculum.
We just finished reading Homer Price and just started Mr. Popper's Penguins. We are also in the midst of Missionary Stories with the Millers, Archaeologists Dig for Clues, and some Usborne on Animals as well as People & Houses.
Today we are going to attempt to school at Tim Hortons as the van is due at the shop to get the CD player fixed.
As much as I am happy that school is going well, not all days are sunshine and roses. CO is a child with a controlling personality. Some days he just digs his heals in and I end up losing my cool. But overall, things run well. CO would like more PD days overall, but on the most part is doing very well. One of the great things about homeschooling is that he can learn at his own pace. Right now he can build three digit numbers with manipulatives, he can add and subtract three digit numbers but he can't read numbers out loud higher than 10. It is odd. And so we are spending a lot of time these days reviewing and going over names of numbers, playing math games, doing dot-to-dots, etc. I am hoping we master this by the new year, but if not, we will continue to practice and practice in different ways :)
His reading...going well. I was nervous. He loved the reading program we are following last year. This fall, he was fighting it a lot so we jumped to the reading program that comes with Sonlight and then he became confident in his reading again and was ready to jump back into the first program. He just started into the 3rd reader and is loving being able to document and see the progress he is making. I am happy too because as much as I love Sonlight, their readers aren't just on the same level of interest and creativity as the other program.
T and I are also doing school together on the days that he is home. Our relationship is rocky at best. I think he deflects his anger on losing his first family my way, and I struggle with his clingy, whiny ways :) Don't get me wrong, he is a great kid that is eager to please on the most part. He just yells and is rude to me a lot. He doesn't take correction from me well and often just blows up yelling at me telling me I am wrong when I point out things (like his shoes are on the wrong feet...which they are 75% of the time)
T was not ready for the reading program this past Spring when I tried it with him. He wanted to be ready, but he just got too frustrated with himself right away and he isn't one that plugs away at something to master it, he is quick to throw in the towel. Last month I pulled it out with him again. He was ready this time. It has been good for us. I am able to encourage him and he is able to see that I am right about the fact that he is able to do things as long as he has the right attitude about it.
One of my biggest concerns with T is his lack of auditory comprehension (me reading out instruction and he following them step by step). I am not sure if it is him only listening to the first bit of what I say and then jumping the gun or if he is actually just missing the whole set of instructions. I am having to slow down, and work on how I approach correction so he doesn't right away either yell at me or get mad at himself for doing it wrong and shutting down.
T and my relationship really is a big need of prayer. CO is a difficult kid to raise but on the most part I understand where he is coming from and why. I am also usually able to predict how a situation will turn out when it comes to CO.
T...not so much. He is such a cup half empty kinda kid. He has huge holes where he is needy and clingy and at the same time he pushes me away and deflects a lot of anger my way. Me, I am not the greatest at keeping my cool when being yelled at or having faces made at me. I am also not the greatest at having him 'hover'. I can't go into a room without him following me. He doesn't necessarily stay in the same room the whole time but he is always keeping tabs on where I am and what I am doing. I am not used to someone constantly watching me and questioning my actions.
B isn't officially doing school. I do give her learning activities to do while the boys are doing school (if she chooses to do them rather than just play). She knows where a lot of her activities are kept and will often just get out an activity and set it up on the kitchen floor to do (even not during school time). Often if I am cooking she will get one out and do it. B is a smart cookie. Many people have commented to me that they are surprised that she is only 2 years 3 months as she has really good fine motor skills and observation skills.
Her language is coming along. Grandma claims to still not ever understand her. The funny thing is she doesn't talk in single words but in paragraphs :) She rattles away in gibberish and throws in a clear word or phrase here and there. She loves puzzles, reading stories and looking after her baby doll. She is not an angel...she is stubborn, bossy and throws a huge hissy fit when she doesn't get her own way (which is many times in a day) but overall she is cheerful and charming.

my son the baker...

I have been very blessed to find a mom & kid group that meets on Tuesday mornings not far from where I live. I think this is my third year attending. One of the biggest things that attracted me to the group was that while the moms were doing a Bible Study and fellowship, the kids were also doing a Bible study and having fellowship. There is also other homeschooling families that attend so there is a class for the elementary age kids.
This is CO's first year to be a part of the elementary group. He was VERY nervous and it was hard to convince him that being in Grade 1 means that he can do more and better things.  Well, this groups has been great for him and he now runs into the church building each Tuesday to meet up with his class. This week he was in charge of 'snack'. He planned for weeks what he was going to make. His plans kept changing as he was inspired by new recipes and photos. In the end he settled on cupcakes. They were marble (blue, yellow and red) with chocolate icing. He LOVED doing this, and was capable of doing most of it himself, I unfortunately have zero photos of him baking or the finished product. I need to get my camera out more. I have been terrible at capturing our daily life these last few months.
This morning, CO decided that he needed to also bring juice boxes (so we swung by the grocery store on the way to the church). The cupcakes must have been a hit as they all disappeared. I sprang for a bag of apples when we were at the grocery store (none were eaten)...

T loves his class too, but hates the fact that his brother is in a 'big boy' class and he is with preschool and kinder aged kids. The teachers change every couple of weeks (as they are volunteers) and T's teacher today brought in a guitar...T LOVES music so his class was a big hit today.

B is B :) she struts with confidence wherever she goes. She walks into the nursery, hands her 'purse' to one of the ladies and then marches off to play with the toys.

The book the moms are studying at this current time is about encouragement. I am getting a lot out of the study and am so blessed to have found this group.

the tv has been turned off...no date for it to go back on

Many things led to my tv being shut off. There is a big sign on my tv declaring it to be off until further notice. The final straw was when someone chucked the remote control at someone's face in anger and caused a bloody nose.
Since the sign went up, there was lot of anger and tears directed my way...after a couple of minutes they realised I was serious. And the only thing that was going to change my mind was an attitude change on their behalf. We have 3 rules in our house. 1. Obey 2. Be Kind 3. Be a Helper. I can still hear little J reciting them. Well, the tv is off until those three rules are being followed at a greater level than they are now.

Evening one with no tv...the children ALL played with Duplo. They learned to trade and negotiate for desired parts. I opened a book and helped B with her Duplo house. Overall, an evening that had no TV sucking out my children's brains.

I picked up a book and snuggled into my bed early. It was a book left behind by my MIL. Well at 230 I finished the book. Not a wise plan of action with 3 kids but none the less worth it.
I cried and blubbered a lot.

it is November....

It blows me away that it is November already. Even more that it is 9 days into the month already.
My house is filled with more joy as the days progress.
The noises are more of playing together than against.
The boys have been creating structures/forts out of cardboard. The noises that fill my house are of kids playing house, being superheros, animal rescuers, construction workers, etc. The boys get lost in imaginative play and I love it. Currently my extra pumpkins are being used as 'Christmas gifts' under a pretend tree as they were playing Christmas today.
B is a joy. She has her stubborn, frustrating moments as any toddler does, but overall...she is a joy. She loves to play 'mom' with her Flopsy bunny and her baby doll. Her speech is coming along which is a relief (no words when she came in the spring...barely any noise). She is all about the BLING. Which is SO funny because people think it is me influencing her to wear jewelry, etc. but NOPE all her! I am responsible for the fact that she is in dresses daily, she is the accessorizer! necklaces, bracelets, purses, shoes, etc. She loves to spend time in the kichen with me. Just watching what I am doing and working on her language. (I wash a fork...she says 'fork'. I cut up potatoes...she says 'potato')
My children are filled with music. They sing, they dance, they beat my chairs with drumsticks while putting on concerts.
I am blessed!
That is NOT to say that things are all peace and harmony. NOPE. There is still yelling, fighing and discord. But we are working on that :)
I am working with the kids this month to spread joy to others. We spent a couple of days making pumpkin donuts and giving them away to our neighbours.
The Christmas music has begun playing in the house and I want the next two months to be a focus of 'giving' rather than 'getting'. This will be our first Christmas as a family of 4. Exciting!
I was blessed to be able to go away for a weekend last month to 'sewing camp'. It was a whirlwind of a few days but the majority of it was spent at my sewing machine. I was happy that I was able to get my big 'goal' tackled and that was making Christmas Stockings for the family. T & B have never had a stocking before.
I am trying my hardest to not go crazy with 'stuff' this Christmas. Not an easy task....

The boys are busy with Beavers, Swimming and Awana. We switched Awana groups this year and I am very glad that we did. The boys are very excited about being in Awana this year and work hard to achieve the awards.

a celebrating kind of day

Today was a celebrating kind of day.

CO completed his math text book!
I signed the paperwork that is filed with the courts to make the adoptions official...now I just have to wait for the paperwork back with the judge's signature and seal.

So we celebrated. After finishing up school and heading off to CAS to sign the paperwork, CO decided on Wendy's (they have an inside playground and it was a wet and cold kinda day).
The playground ended up being closed because someone ran into the building and they were in the process of repairing the damages.
But I thought that it was a good choice to eat, not because I like Wendy's food....but because Wendy's founder Dave Th*mas advocated for foster kids to be adopted. A good way to celebrate a couple of adoptions!

September in photos...part 1

September was filled with lots of moments for making memories...

my aunt's sunflowers

three kids ready for camping at the beach

swimming in the bay

view from the trailer

digging with cousins

this boy could live at the beach forever...

sunset

cousin love

old maid

this boy is happy as long as he has a truck to play with

my three

the view of the site from the beach

 

 

we went to a local fair

 

our butterfly hatched

 

my uncle has the BEST rope swing

we celebrated a birthday

we spent lots of times at the park

we spent lots of time with cousins at the beach

we played in our borrowed boat

focusing on the light when under attack...

My summer ended SUPERB. It was a GREAT trip. The kids had a blast. There was lots of great family time to be had and 'firsts' for some of the kids.
I arrived home Friday afternoon. House smelled a bit. But I figured that it was just from being shut up for two weeks. We opened the house up and then scrambled to figure out food, etc. When coming home my bank accounts were running very low because I screwed up my EI application (a whole different story for another day).
Saturday morning I opened the chest freezer to grab blueberries for the oatmeal. Source of the smell found. Chest freezer was FULL of rotten food (unplugged). I shut the door, and closed the door to the laundry room and did what anyone in my shoes (without a husband) would do....I called my Mommy!!! She swooped in and helped me get the three garbage bags worth of toxic waste out of the freezer, clean the freezer, empty out the trailer, unload the toxic waste into a dumpster behind the local gas station (Friday is garbage day here). She even watched the kids during 'quiet' time so I could run to the local grocery store to grab a couple of staples. At one point the laundry sink overflowed so there was that mess too. The boys took off to a neighbour's house in the morning while we were dealing with the toxic mess so that was a HUGE blessing!
Sunday after church was spent trying to find my house, unpack the pile in my dining room from the trailer, find my yard, clip the chicken's wings, and clean the house. Sunday night as I was climbing into bed I realized that I forgot to pick up CO's birthday present that was in my parent's basement....sigh. I got the kitchen quickly decorated for him.
Monday morning was busy. Birthday waffles, T's first day of school. CO had no school since it was his birthday and all (I don't go to work on my birthday), and I tackled the mountain of laundry since the laundry room was not unstinked enough to be in there previously without wanting to vomit.
We headed to town to pick up the cake (the first year I haven't made CO's cake since he came to me but he wanted an ice cream cake) at noon for birthday lunch (my mom joined us). Home for quiet time and then after picking up T from school we headed to my parent's for birthday dinner.
Tuesday was my Bible Study group. Exactly what my heart was needing....I got a visitor to the door just before we left which left me with a terrible sinking feeling in my heart. CO was nervous about going to Bible Study as he is now old enough to attend the homeschool class...but in the end...WONDERFUL! he participated and had such a blast. B also went into the nursery without causing a big fuss.
Wednesday...farmers market and canning with my mom and my failed attempt to apologize for the situation that was brought to my attention Tuesday morning. We got over 20 jars of diced tomatoes done.
The week seemed to be one thing after another. Things falling and breaking, nasty neighbours, the boys fighting, things stopping working, my bed getting peed in during quiet time, etc. BUT I choose to focus on the good. moments with the kids, the fact that even though my bank account is in a deficit and I lost a lot of food, that the cupboards were stocked and we had a roof over our head. I am blessed. Abundantly. I kept thinking my week was full of moments that I was leaning on God...trusting in him and filling the house with worship music.
B is officially a toilet user. She is doing very well. When toilet training CO and J I had them both trained with their BMs first as they were regular and I could predict when they needed to go. B...not so much. So I find that I am cleaning up messes...but hopefully she will catch onto putting it in the toilet rather than not...
I am looking forward to being done with daytime diapers.

The kids are happy to be home. They have been completely enjoying the backyard again as well as playing with toys that they have not played with during the nice weather. CO begged me to bring out some toys that have been in storage since winter for his birthday. We are easing into the homeschooling thing. The days are still nice and are calling us outside to enjoy it.

CO spent a big part of today with B 'painting' my house and fence. They have a bucket that they fill with water and use paintbrushes. I love that my kids do this kind of creative play and that they do it for hours without needing technology or me to come up with ways to entertain them. T participates but doesn't stick with it as long. He is more of a car man. He will play in the backyard for about 20 minutes but then he is back inside playing with his cars. He has come very far in the few months since coming that I am sure he will soon expand his horizons when it comes to play. The two boys have gone from fighting 95% of the day to only about 5% which is SO nice. They still have their moments.

Being home have increased T's food obsessions. I need to deal with it differently and be more patient. I get too easily annoyed at being asked multiple times in a short period of time about food. I can't be in the kitchen without him hovering and asking for food.

My MIL has been a blessing. We've had a few good long chats and they always make my heart feel better and lift my spirits...she is a lovely woman with a big heart!

We have switched AWANA groups. The club we were attending wasn't actually following the program which was frustrating for me as I really wanted my kids to partake in the program as it is a really good one. The church actually switched to a different program this year. I am SO happy we switched clubs and didn't stay at the old location with the new program. The boys both came home VERY excited about the program. And CO participated...he was nervous but he joined in which is BIG for him.
Next week we will be more busy as we will also be starting into Beavers and swimming lessons. I would like to get T into something musical as I think there is always a song running through his head. He is constantly singing and drumming. But it will have to be a really good fit as I am not sure I want to have us overloaded with lessons and running around.

almost the end of summer...

Where has the summer gone??
I had LOTS more adventures that I would have liked to have accomplished this summer but when I reflect back, it is good that the summer wasn't filled with expensive trips to parks.
Instead it was a hard summer spent at the cottage on the most part learning and adjusting by all. Learning about family and adjusting to being in a family for the two newest. Learning to parent so many at once for me and adjusting to the new normal of trying to support each of the kids with their needs and helping them cope with their baggage.
It was a good summer. It was a simple summer. It went by TOO fast.
Yet at the same time I am going to drag it out longer. We are going away for another couple of weeks. I have yet to decide if this is the last trip, or the beginning of a few using the trailer. It will be our first time using the trailer as a family of 4. We are going to hang out this first trip on the shores of Georgian Bay. I am EXCITED.
T isn't scheduled to start SK until the 12th as he has a gradual start...where just a few of the class goes in on certain days to adjust...not sure.
But as much as he is excited for school, I think that the more time we spend as a family together is better than him going off for 6 hour days. Family is a new thing for him. It has been a hard adjustment having rules and boundaries. Sharing...HUGE struggle for him. I have seen some HUGE growth for T this summer and I am not sure I am ready for him to go off 3 days/week for 6 hours. Last Spring I would have said that it was good for the boys to be separate for a few days per week. But this summer has been great. Their relationship has grown and the constant fighting and bickering has almost disappeared. There is still bouts of jealousy and they don't get along 100% of the time but I don't think that they will ever live 100% in harmony? that is unrealistic.

I am off to tackle more packing....

cottage life of fun...

It is hard to believe how quick our summer has flown by. We are very much enjoying our life at the cottage. Swimming, picking berries, playing with friends, riding bikes and evening campfires.

I don't want it to end...

 



 

 

 

 

 

B thinks her life is perfect! Lots of dirt and a brother to play 'this little piggy' while sitting round the campfire eating marshmallows...

 

funny thing is I just cleaned her up from top to bottom less than an hour previous to this

 

 

 



Our away summer...

We have been away from home more than we have been home this summer. It is my summer off from work. It has not been the best summer weather wise but we are making the most of it. Most of our time is at the cottage. I love living in my little 12x24 building on the campground. Life is simple.
The children are also loving life there. The days are filled with riding bikes, swimming and playing at parks.
T has turned from a child who had no clue how to pedal a bicycle (in which I had to hand over hand move his feet for a few days to get his brain to figure out how to make his feet move in circles to push the pedals) to riding a bicycle fast without training wheels. This is a difficult time for him as he adjusts to learning how to live 'in' a family and 'testing' to see if I will stop loving him. I admit I falter a lot with this child. I understand that he is suffering much loss and is confused over no longer seeing his first family. His whining drives me bonkers as does whining in general. I am working on it but need lots of prayer in this department. He goes out of his way to start fights with CO and then gets upset when CO lashes out in anger at him. So it is a lot of adjusting for all. T gets very jealous if I give someone else a compliment and not him, even if he has just treated me terribly and has done nothing to deserve a compliment. I struggle. He gets jealous of everything. It is hard. He could have 10 of something and then 5 minutes later another child could have their first of the same thing and he gets upset as he didn't get one too at that time. So much of his behaviour around food points to him having known hunger. I ask him. He doesn't remember or he just isn't ready to open up about that part of his life.
Life at the cottage is also easier because there is nothing there that reminds him of his first family. He knows where they live. So when we travel around at home, he is watching for them. It is sad. We actually ran into a member of his first family and it was awful. The man ignored him. How do you explain to a little kid that rejection? Life at the cottage is easier because they have the freedom to go and play and he hovers around me less. I need chunks of time in my day where someone isn't touching me, hovering around me and watching my every move. Life at the cottage is easier because I have a village. A group of people that support me. That will spend some time with T so that I can get a break. It is lovely. When we are at the cottage I hardly hear his wailing. He seems happier there. It may all be in my head because I am happier there.
CO is adjusting to life. He likes knowing that these kids will stay forever. He still misses J a lot. He has regressed in the fact that he is resorting to using actions before words when dealing with confrontation with T. If T won't play with him, he will hit him. There is a lot of hitting going on these days and the harshest punishment that I have discovered is writing lines. I know SO odd. But both boys detest it and they get to write out phrases like 'God made me to love' and 'God created me to be gentle'. Next up will be scripture.
B is coming along. We actually have moments now where she will stop eating. So that is really progress. Her struggles with drinking have disappeared completely.
Right now we have company up. This is our second batch of company in the last couple of weeks. Once this company leaves, we are headed back to our oasis.
I will add photos later.
Night it is WAY past my bedtime and I am going to regret it come 6 am as the boys do not seem to sleep in at home...at the cottage they don't stir before 730! and they are asleep earlier at night. Go Figure?!?!?!?

B is TWO!

we decided that the birthday needed Balloons and LOTS of them

the outside deck was very decorated

Nana and Papa came

the neighbours came and joined in the celebration

overall she was well celebrated and it was a fun day