I CAN'T!!!!....sigh

I can't go into the bathroom without chaos. I can't. I don't know why but it is ANNOYING! Case in point this evening...I had the forethought to lock the door after going in. Within minutes B is outside the bathroom door claiming she needed to pee potty too...no prob. I let her in, she does her business and then I send her out again and tell her to go play. She does. CO arrives at the door and wants to watch tv. I say no as he has watched enough and tell him to go play. He does, he actually heads to the tree to play with the Christmas carousel. It seems when heading to the tree, he passes T and T's foot gets stepped on. So T stands outside the bathroom door an makes the noise that sends me BATTY! I can't help it. It is an awful noise...similar to a siren. I ask him what the problem is, he says CO stepped on his foot. I ask if he needs to go to the hospital...no. So I ask him to go and play. 'I can't' is the reply. Siren continues. I ask him again to GO and play. 'I can't' is the reply. I ask him if he is tied up. no. I ask him if he is glued to the floor. no. I ask if his foot is broken and he needs to see a dr. no. T PLEASE GO play. I can't. Siren noise continues. CO asks him to stop making the noise. more chaos as there is a scuffle.
I come out of the bathroom and puts the boys on stools in the kitchen and make them sit while I wash up from supper. T is making faces at CO so I ask him to put his back to his brother. CO quickly gets calm and proceeds to reach for a book off the cook book rack on how to tie a shoe and proceeds to learn how to tie a shoe.
T asks to get off...but this is a time in and I am waiting for him to turn off his anger. He continues to glare and say mean things to his brother so I move T to the laundry room and CO goes off to find something else to do. I start folding laundry. He continues with his negative attitude. Finally he asks if he can match socks...I say yes! and he happily does. We have good talks. He is doing good. Then I leave the laundry room to deal with B's accident (her first since coming home) in the bathroom...and guess what happens??? CHAOS! CO came to the bathroom to ask for a bath and T decided to run to the bathroom door to block CO from getting past. What happens when a stick tries to stop an avalanche??? chaos! the avalanche is stronger and isn't about to be blocked by a stick. chaos. So I escort T back to his stool and ask him WHY??? he left the laundry room to cause a fight with his brother....his reply....shoulder shrug....ahhhh...so I go to finish dealing with his sister in the bathroom and he starts to say mean things to CO. So CO shuts the laundry room door which results in the siren noise. SIGH. I get CO into the tub, I get B headed upstairs to get into bed, I head to the laundry and ask him what the problem is. His reply is he doesn't like being in a room by himself. I ask him if I said mean things to him if he'd want to be in the same room as me? no. Did shut the door because you were saying mean things? yes. So, I look at the time...10 minutes PAST bedtime and I proceed to get T into pjs and into bed. I tuck T into bed and leave to get B into pjs and bed. The siren begins. So I ask what the problem is. He didn't get a chance to play! AHHHH I reminded him he was told to play but he 'couldn't'. I give him more kisses and leave to deal with B. Siren starts up again.  AHHH
I really need to be able to react to that siren nicer but it makes my skin crawl!!! It sends me batty!! It makes me loose my cool. We have some words (mine too loud). He stops.I give him a kiss and I leave...silence.
sigh
I can't go into the bathroom without chaos.

In the past to deal with the siren noise is to send it to bed! That method wasn't working. Even though I know T is tired. But sending him away just separates us, that is why I was trying plan B which was having a 'time-in'. I head back to work in less than 3 months. It is going to cause my relationship to go backwards with T. I know it will. I went out for one evening in September, the first since July (for a mtg to do with B's speech...and my parents put the kids to bed) I told T what was happening and why. He was fine. But that night he woke up 3 times crying for me.

all of this is just a vent. There has been HUGE progress with T. There really has. In July the siren would have gone off for over an hour. These days it is just minutes. There is less anger and threatening and yelling overall. Having him sit in a room with me enabled him to turn off his anger and negative mood and talk to me and enjoy himself. He didn't get to 'play' but he didn't get sent to his room for having his anger get out of control (which is what happens many evenings). Progress.
I need to measure and analyse to see the progress....it gives me strength to continue on in the journey...well with God...I would never be able to do any of this parenting of 'broken' children if it wasn't for His strength and love.

I just wish I could:
       1. go into the bathroom without chaos
       2. be able to deal with the siren in a calmer manner

so if you are the praying sort...that is my prayer request :)

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photo that I stole from faceb**k (because I may or may not have stalked someone's first family on faceb**k to look for photos...sad thing...there were only a handful to steal but the ONLY ones that they will ever have of that time)

T holding B as a baby