white again...

last night after supper CO and I went for a walk, or a 'bear hunt' as CO calls them ever since we read the book 'going on a bear hunt' it was lovely out. It was a little cool but not too bad. There was more brown and green than white when walking. We weren't able to follow our usual path as there was flooding and mud but overall it was a lovely walk.

{photo credit}
We saw a blue heron flying overhead which was exciting for me as well as a teaching moment to show CO how to identify it as a blue heron and to talk about where a blue heron likes to hang out and what it likes to eat.
Since reading Charlotte Mason Companion I am inspired to give CO an education that includes lots of exposure and study of nature. Fortunately we don't have to travel far to find it living in the country and all...

this morning we woke to a white world again...not very much....just enough to hide the green & brown

amazing what time away can do...

we went to Ottawa for March Break. 'we' being CO, myself and my 12 year old niece. We stayed with my aunt and uncle for part of the time and then my in-laws for the rest. I totally needed the time away. We did the sugar bush, museum, play group (the one CO used to attend), had play-dates with cousins, and just visited. CO got his much needed time with his grandparents. His bond with them is strong and he feels a need to spend time with them every few months. He also got to spend some good time with his aunt. The last two visits she has been busy with school (she is studying to be a nurse) but this time she finished up her exams while we were there and then she 'loved' on him like crazy. Which CO totally loved!
This time we drove down. I rented a car since I drive a crazy gas guzzler. CO is a great traveller. I admit I was nervous about being stuck with him in a car with him that long (I know frequent stops helps but when I am driving somewhere I just want to hurry up and get there). My niece helped on the drive down and I did it solo on the way home. (my brother took custody back of her on the weekend so she would not miss any school). On the way down we stopped twice (once to buy a cord so I could use my ipod...seems that new cars don't get made with tape decks so I couldn't use the tape/ipod cord that I have for my truck) and the second was for lunch.
He napped both directions so that was nice. He is really good at just watching things out the window (and talking non-stop about what he sees) and playing with his cars. His fav these days is a milk tanker. I bought it for the trip down (I've been buying one new small toy when we do trips like this in hopes that they keep him occupied for a chunk of time. Last trip it was a snowplow dinky car.)
Upon returning I am inspired to tackle my house! And I am happy that we've used the kitchen table all week for eating (it is usually the collect all of 'stuff') and the diningroom table has been used for doing 'school' and crafts.
Monday after swimming lessons, I returned to my father taking one of the bathroom cupboards out of the bathroom and put it in my bedroom. I am NOT looking forward to having bathroom 'stuff' in other rooms of the house while the bathroom gets rennovated but I AM looking forward to my new bathroom. The demolition is waiting for the snow to be gone and the weather to be a little warmer (since the house will be exposed to the elements once the demo begins). 

well I need to roll some pizza dough and get the pizza into the oven...

today is the day....

today is the day the back of the truck is being loaded up and 'stuff' is being donated!! I'm making room!
My house is CRAZY cluttered these days which probably isn't helping with my peace meter these days. 

I'm even getting rid of books (shocking I know). I went through kids books and if I don't love them or if CO doesn't love them...then GOODBYE! I even went through my books and collected a couple of boxes of books. Books that I haven't read in over 10 years and books I don't think I'll read again.

Spring Cleaning here I come!!!

(CO is excited and a part of the process...he hasn't caugt on that the pile of toys I'm collecting are going for good! or if he has...no reaction which is great. I am not getting rid of anything he loves...just stuff)

drawing closer

Monday I get to go on my holiday...I know as the day approaches that I am just feeling ready for a holiday. I am tired and stretched. I know that getting away and a rest will be a big help. I will come back feeling better. I usually do.

My plans keep getting changed all over. It seems multiple people are wanting us to stay with them. So they get to decide and just let me know where to go :)

I just finished watching Aurore. It is a movie based on Aurore Gagnon whom lived in the early 1900s and died due to abuse. Very interesting...and sad.

day of tears...

I was driving to a meeting this morning. My parents had CO (they took him on an errands when they knew I had the one hour meeting...which was a surprise after the conversation I had with my mother this past Sunday) and I started thinking about everything. And I just started feeling so overwhelmed. I never thought about this aspect of becoming a single parent. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But I never thought about the loneliness. I love my son and I hate being away from him every moment that we are apart. How is the future going to work? How am I going to raise him to be a knight for God when he doesn't have a dad? I feel so overwhelmed because I thought that I would have more support from the people in my life. So the tears just started flowing...(I was already feeling melancholy as I was at the part of Matthew dying in the book I was reading)
Tonight when my brother called to say that my vacation plans weren't going to work, I lost it again. I really had my hopes set on going. I am really needing to get away. As it is my plans are changing because we aren't able to stay with CO's grandparents until the last half of the trip because his aunt is busy writing her finals and needs the least amount of distractions possible as she has been struggling the last few weeks and has done poorly on a few tests lately and she can't afford to not do well. So we will be staying with my aunt and uncle. Which isn't going to be as relaxing of an environment. For one thing I'll probably end up having to share a bed with CO and their house is FAR from being child friendly. I am really wanting to spend the time with Morgain and I really hope she is able to join us.

please pray...

I just finished reading 'Anne of Green Gables'. I have decided to read this series again this year. I cried my eyes out when Matthew died this morning :) Reading the book makes me long for days gone by...of having 'bosom' friends and life being simplier overall.

looking for ideas...

I am looking for ideas. It seems I will probably be needing some weekend childcare.

Currently my mother is feeling she needs a weekend a month off...probably more in the future. I don't have any problem with this, I am just looking for some solutions. Since my friend list is extremely on the short side, I need to find some reliable options.  Any ideas? Anybody know a college student looking for a weekend position?
I've felt this whole journey to becoming a mom of CO was totally the hand of God. He moved mountains to make it happen. All I had to do was be obedient and follow his plan...
Having the job I have seems to be ideal because I get to be a stay at home mom for the majority of the week. Long term I am not sure how it is going to all work out...

I feel God called me to have a heart for orphans, etc. Ideally I'd like to be able to open my life to another child I am just not sure how it is going to work out. My parents don't want to be my childcare providers while I am at work. Atleast not full-time.

oh and please pray for the whole situation...

let it snow let it snow let it snow

So after a day of nothing but nonstop rain, it is now snowing. If it lasts until morning CO will be excited for another opportunity to shovel off the decks.

I just finished watching Unthinkable Impensible. Very interesting movie. I totally selected it at random from the library but I found it to be very captivating. I usually bring in a few movies from the library to watch with one of the guys while at work Saturday night. I tend to only watch one of the movies but he enjoys having a few new movies to see each weekend. 

CO & H2O

My son loves water. He loves to play in it, he loves to drink it & he even likes to wash with it. If I am washing floors, walls or doors he loves to get right in there and help with the process. He has even been caught getting his own bucket and rag to clean all on his own (this is frowned upon as it usually leads to a lot of water where it isn't wanted as he isn't the greatest as wringing out the cloth yet).
Where he lived before coming to stay with me he played with water so much at the kitchen sink that he swelled up the counters (they had plans to redo the kitchen anyway after he left them).  He will stay in the bathtub for up to two hours playing some days. Some days he will have three baths :) (I let him bathe on demand on the most part...if I can't remember when he bathed last, I tend to give lots of encouragement for him to take one...he rarely needs much encouragement)
He is an 'able' boy and very much loves to 'do' for himself. This past week I put out a small jug of water for him on the counter with a cup. He was able to get himself a drink whenever he so desired the only 'rule' was he needed to drink what he poured and he wasn't supposed to 'muck' and dump the water back into the jug. (I am working on teaching him that when 'sharing' something like a knife or jug that we don't lick it, etc.)  Now he just needs to learn that he doesn't need to drink the whole jug every time it gets filled up :) the boy does not have to worry about being dehydrated! He went through many pants as he wasn't able to get to the toilet intime as he was peeing SO often.  Hopefully the longer he has access to it, the less he'll over drink.

another week over...

this Bob movie is what CO is watching right now while I blog. I don't really like Bob. We rarely watch it.

I look forward to the nicer weather so we can spend our evenings in the backyard catching fireflies, looking at the stars and enjoying campfires. I think this summer we will try tenting in the backyard together.
Friday is here...and another stretch of being a stay at home mom is over. I have to leave for work at 11pm and work my 40 hours. I am blessed. I know that it is rare that a single mom is able to have SO much time with her child and be away from them so little.  CO has issues with being 'left'. It took him many many months before he would be ok with the fact that I left him for the weekend to go to work (even though he was with my parents). It used to be I'd come home from work Sunday afternoon and he'd be a monster for me until Tuesday. I figured this was his way of punishing me for going to work.  Even though I got him at a young age I think the many transitions he had as a baby does have an effect deep down. So having the job I do really helps him to have the stability he craves.

Today we had another speech assessment. Unfortunately when I told him we were going to 'speech' today. He heard 'beach' and was a little disappointed when we showed up.  He had even brought his 'water glasses' (goggles) along.  He has made some improvement with his speech in the last three months. Sounds he wasn't using at all he is now using 'in' words. He still doesn't use them at the begining of words but that will come. He is going to be attending a speech 'camp' of sorts two days a week after march break.  It is three or four weeks long. We'll see how that goes.

CO is such a clown and makes me laugh with the ideas and thoughts he is sharing with me these days. He talks all the time about when he gets big what he is going to do. He is going to drive a snow plow, be a farmer, a superhero that helps people and flies through the clouds. He is going to drive a big truck and own a backhoe, combine, excavator & tractor. That is just some of the ideas he has thrown at me this past week.
He has been ALL about being outside this week. I couldn't interest him in crafting at all (which is something he usually LOVES to do), not even painting. So our activies that I'd planned to go along with 'the Snowy Day' mostly went out the window this week. He LOVED the book and I've read it a few times a day. He enjoyed doing the science experiments that went along with the book. We brought in snowballs and put them in different places like the freezer and fridge and then predicted what would happen. He loved to make tracks in the snow. Mostly he loved doing what he loves best, and that is digging. There were a couple of days this week that the ground was icy and hard and he then switched from shoveling snow to digging with any gravel he could get loose from the driveway or playing on his 'hockey rink' (which is a small frozen patch of ice on the front lawn).

We stopped off at the library on the way home today and picked up some books on growing and gardening. Next week our book is 'the Carrot Seed'. I'm excited to start planting seeds with him. I found a cool seed grower that will enable him to see in the soil and watch the roots grow as well as the plant above ground.  We've read this book in the past (not as a weekly focus) and he really liked it. So I think I'll be reading it MANY times next week.

We are off to Ottawa for March Break. We are taking Morgain. I am looking forward to the week. I find her much more relaxed and less needy than she was when she first moved here almost two years ago.  Most of all I am looking forward to going to here.
We are going to attemt to drive down (vs taking the train). So that should be an interesting adventure in itself.

I'm blogging and avoiding housework

not something I am proud of but my little one is enjoying his long bath (he took a bunch of stuff from his play kitchen in with him so he'll play a long time) and the silence is kinda nice.
looking at my house...I am not really sure where to begin to deal with it. Though I am plugging away at it and I am making progress even though it isn't always noticeable. I am in the mood to get rid of stuff. Stuff that is taking up space. Stuff I don't need or use. I would LOVE to get rid of the Girl Guide stuff that has taken over sections of my house...maybe I just need to go through all of it and get rid of the unnecessary stuff...
This week CO and I are reading 'The Snowy Day' which he is LOVING but is not really interested in doing many of the activities I planned to go along with it. He did like the science experiment of putting snowballs in the fridge and freezer. He'd much rather just be outside playing in the snow.

I still fight loneliness. I find my house is less organized when I am letting myself think about my loneliness. Somedays I think it would be nice to have a friend. One who actually emails me. Or calls me. Or writes me a letter or is available to do playdates together. Somedays I think a husband would be nice. Someone to be in a room with. Someone to hug and to feel safe in his arms.

goodbye February

CO was very sad when we transitioned to February from January. It was his first exposure to the months changing I guess since we just started focusing on 'calendar time' every morning this year. This time he remembered that when January was all done that we cleared the calendar for the new month. I warned him that it was the last day of February on the 28th and he wanted to jump into March right away. But we held off. He thought it was funny that night to say goodnight and see you next month that evening.
This morning we changed the calendar. We sang goodbye to February and Hello to March (a song I made up last month for the transition from January). Aunt Ruth said she heard him today singing goodbye to February while he was outside playing at one point. (cute)

I am trying to set myself into the routine of reading my Bible daily this year. I have set this goal other years and was not successful. This year I thought I'd follow a guide but at the same time keep track of what days I read and what I read on those days. I am happy to say that I improved in February from January as to not procrasinating and therefore missing a day forgetting to open my Bible as many days. In January I missed 10 days (I know that is terrible) but in February I only missed 7. Hopefully this is because I was better at making a point in my day to open my Bible rather than it was a shorter month. Looking at the dates, it seems that the time I miss reading usually lies on the weekend. So this is where I need to definately set my alarm earlier and just make sure I do it. Some mothers are up before thier kids and spend time in the word then. I have yet to make this transition. My son is 99% of the time awake before me. I am happy the mornings he doesn't wake me up until 7am. (the latest I think has been 7:15), the earliest...maybe around 4am  (ug)

one of the reasons is I seem to fight to be a night owl. I don't know why I choose this because long term is just is sucky as I am tired and less patient over all. And since it is late now...I need to head to bed...