last summer I would not have been able to predict
there is peace in my house
there is calm in my house
there is love and joy in my house
all those things aren't always there...but the hours of wailing, the constant fighting, the evenings of me just being 'done', etc. they have diminished
The boys play...together...willingly
overall there is less hurting, more thinking of others & less sneaking
it has been a crazy year in terms of childcare. we lost some long time sitters, we gained many that didn't stick around
but even through all the instability while I was at work...we have THRIVED!
Two summers ago I very much questioned what God's plan was...what was he thinking?? CO and I were still mourning loosing J and all of a sudden God expanded our family with chaos. How could he possibly expect me NOT to become an alcoholic raising these three extremely different children? (kidding)
Last summer was a summer of chaos. CO was in chaos. He was all over the place with his moods, he was all over the place with his feelings, it was tough. I could not figure out the root of what was going on with him. He was suffering from some headaches but I didn't know if it was the source of the moods or a side effect of something else. We visited doctors and did allergy testing. I did some research online and talked virtually to other moms who have adopted and in the end I jumped into essential oils with CO. I didn't tell many people. Within months people were making comments about how he was 'growing up'. I felt like I had finally stopped chasing my child whose name is a verb. Things weren't perfect but they was more calm than chaos. This past Easter I saw a side of my son that was a puzzle piece to the chaos that was the summer before. More changes.
We removed stuff from his diet and the difference between last summer and this summer with him...NIGHT and DAY!
Homeschooling T was just what he and I needed for our relationship. It is what our whole family needed in the relationship department. I saw much progress with him overall with attachment and his taking ownership of his health and hygiene. He was much more joyful. And then he had an encounter with his first family that caused lots of emotions and steps back. It resulted in T and I having a very tough spring. I honestly considered shipping him away to family for a few weeks just to allow me to get my feet back under me and catch my breath. I felt awful for considering it but his setbacks were stressful for the whole family. With lots of prayer, time and conversations, I think we are back to a road of healing for that boy. I think he and I will always have our head butting ways. He is such an emotional, artsy boy and I am such a 'suck it up' kinda mom. July was much better than April - June. It isn't perfect. He still has lots going on in his heart and mind that he is dealing with, but overall...I see healing. He is now just doing better with his hygiene again. (knock on wood as it has been only less than a week that there has been improvement in this department)
B is B! She is such a blessing to me. She is my calm in the storm. She is a spitfire, sassy, bossy princess! But at the same time she is loving. She is giving. God knew that I would need her as my calm in the storm that is her brothers.
She tells me multiple times a day that she loves me, that I am the best mommy, that I am so nice. She is a giver...of rocks, leaves, whatever she finds. She is my helper, my shadow and she radiates JOY. She also has a talent for conning people into doing 'for' her what she can do. She is stubborn and strong willed, but overall she radiates JOY. Sometimes I will just stand outside the bathroom and listen to her singing songs of worship to God, it does my heart good!
This summer she mastered a two wheeler. I did not predict this to happen this summer as she is a very cautious and not confident child when it comes to cycling. In the past with her tricycle, she carried more than she sat on it. With her balance bike she walked it. She refused to pedal anything. She was worried about falling, about getting hurt, etc.
In May we came to the cottage and she seemed to finally catch on to gliding and balancing on her balance bike (a bicycle that was given to us and I had the pedals taken off).
In July, she rode. She was given a new bike. No training wheels and once she figured out the pedaling there was no stopping her...well other than the trees, buildings, etc. She hasn't mastered stopping. But over the month she has gone from being a panicked cyclist to a happy and mostly confident cyclist.
So far this summer has been one of bliss. We haven't done much. But we have played and relaxed and just overall enjoyed what is our cottage and what it has to offer us. It is a 12x24 foot building with only running cold water, but is a sanctuary and haven. We've swam, kayaked, bicycled and spent time with friends. We've had campfires, family visit, friends visit and learned chess.
Life is good. God is good.
There has been another big change in our family. My niece and her dog have moved in. There were a few big things that happened to bring this about, but overall I think it is the best move for everyone concerned for right now. My brother's new job has him travelling a lot and I believe that staying with me is what my niece needs right now. At the end of June we did some rearranging of bedrooms, I am now in the smallest room and the walls are decorated with B's bunnies and birds still. M and B are in bunk beds in the master bedroom. Within a week of her moving in, we headed off to the cottage for a big chunk of the summer. I know August is going to begin the month of adjustments for all as we figure out our new normal back at home. I will not only be homeschooling my three, but I will be supervising my niece in high school and helping her develop the skills of organization and time management that she needs in order to find success academically.
So lots of prayer overall. For healing, for our family as it finds its new normal.
For our extended family. CO's Papa needs lots of prayers in the health department and for his heart and soul.
I look at this month of July. It has been a good summer. Compared to the last three Julys, it has been the best! For this I am truly thankful! He gets all the credit! God it good.
I have another almost two weeks booked off in August. Plans for what will happen during that time are not set in stone and are very much in the air.
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