once upon a dream....

I love waking in the morning after having a lovely dream! Especially when I dream of being loved.

People ask me about 'finding a husband' quiet often in my life. And the funny thing is that I don't dream of a big white wedding, I don't spend my waking moments on the 'hunt' for a husband. I am not actively looking for a husband....why? because I gave that over to God a long time ago.

Do I want a husband? yes
Will I be happy if I am single the rest of my life? I will aim to be

but I am assuming that IF there is a guy for me out there, I will be open and receptive to what God`s plan is for our life and that in HIS time things will happen if that is a plan he has for me

Would it be nice to have a dad for Chase...definitely! I see him watch dads and their kids...and I know he is going to want that in his life too....but at the same time....I am not going to set us up for heartbreak by taking the whole `finding a man`into my own hands and enter into relationships that are not what God has in store for us.
I have dated in the past....and that has just made me learn that I need to follow God's plan as the heartache and regret of giving part of my heart to someone who wasn't supposed to get it is with me

IF I ever have a husband I want him to
1. love God first
2. love me (& now my son)
3. work hard
4. understand 'family' including an extended one

that is it...I don't care if he is handsome (as he will be to me inside and out) or looks like a movie star...I do care if he has a good heart. Does he need to be perfect? NOPE because I most definitely am not and I wouldn't expect him to be either

I always thought I needed to have a husband before I could be a mom. Single parenting is HARD! and single parenting a child like my son is no easy task. But if I had waited for a husband before choosing to obeying God telling me in my heart to foster....I would not have my son. (and I made this error for a few years)
Do I love being a mom...yes...though if you notice it is 5am and I am blogging...mostly because I have been up for over an hour dealing with my son and the restless sleep that he is having tonight. That was a big adjustment. Being sleep deprived and not allowing that to justify grumpiness. I thought I was over the whole lack of sleep thing....but it is even harder now that I am back to work. I come home from working my 40 hours over 3 days and before I was a mom, I'd crash on the couch in exhaustion....now I can't do that as I come home to a freshly rested toddler!

but back to my original focus of this rambling
Once upon a dream....
In my dreams I have a prince charming that loves me.
I have a husband
and yes he has a face and a name and he is based on someone that I know in real life. His face changes over the years. It has been the same person for awhile now...do I expect that I will marry this person...nope...he is from my past and is actually going to be married to someone else. But that is alright...cause in my dreams I am loved

and I am happy with that :)

content

does this blog make sense....I don't care...cause I am actually going to try to catch some more sleep now...

night