It is hard with the unknown hanging over us. On one hand I would LOVE to step in a time machine and return to life before July. Life where there was no possibility that any day I could get a phone call from CAS telling me that today is the day that my son stops being a brother and I stop being a mother of two.
I have determined to live this week like it is our last (even though it isn't a week but only three days)
Last night when he got home, I was ready to call the SW and ask him to pick him up in the morning. I hate that I was in that frame of mind but I had just dealt with over an hour of tears and some nasty things coming out of my little J's mouth that I know is him just spewing out what he hears with his bio family. Things that hurt CO to hear, and that made me into a mama bear wanting to protect my cub from their meanness. These people have never met me. Never met my son or my family, yet they have NO problem filling J's head full of garbage about us.
Today has been a much better day. I explained to J from the moment he got up that there will be NO more talk of certain things. That we were going to all be a family and love each other and only say nice things about each other. I think he understands because no more of the garbage has come out of his mouth today. It must be hard for him to hear them say nasty things about people he considers to be his 'family'.
Today we cuddled more. We danced more. We played more.
We went out for lunch together at our favorite place and had ice cream for dessert.
Tonight I surprised the boys after supper with mini boxes of smarties.
The boys are in a good place. They are able to play, imagine and go on great adventures together. They still have their moments of disagreement where someone acts out their anger, but they are quick to forgive and move on. It is part of being a family. Learning to compromise and get along.
Because of the unknown. I think we might celebrate his birthday early. Maybe on Friday we will invite the neighbours go swimming. I'll get balloons and bake a cake or cupcakes.
We will celebrate together as the people who love him even though we don't share genes with him.
We will make our last moments be filled with love and good.
Amy, I so wish and pray that J could stay with you. This must be so difficult for all of you! I will pray for all of you.
ReplyDeleteJay