Myrtle Beach

as soon as C saw the beach...he couldn't take his clothes off fast enough! He LOVED being there...running in and out of the water

this is at the little park across from the beach house

we are in Myrtle Beach...we left Thursday morning and drove down. We spent the Thurs night in a hotel and drove the rest of the way arriving Friday afternoon.

Since arriving I have got to experience lots .... including:

1. Target...I have heard lots about the wonders and deals of Target...I got some good deals...I didn't get lots of opportunity to check things out but I was impressed...

2. Piggly Wiggly...I find this to be an odd name for a grocery store. Deals are labeled as 'Pig Allerts' I am not sure if this is good or not :)

there are currently fireworks going off...which is odd to me...maybe for Mother's Day? speaking of which...my little one gave me a rose and a card :)

May update

The last few weeks of April were crazy busy! I was doing lots of running around trying to collect all the papwerwork I needed in order to get C a passport. The problem is that his adoption is 'just' finalized so I didn't have access to new paperwork or old paperwork...well to make a long story short...we headed to the passport office and picked up his passport this morning. Earlier I had signed us up to go on a field trip to a local dairy farm put on by the EYC here. I didn't think we'd be able to attend but since we made it to Kitchener and back in good time, we headed over. C had a great time. He really liked being that close to the cows (& the poop...he is such a boy and all about the poop)
I think I still slightly smell of cow farm (or the smell is stuck in my nose) but it was worth it.
Now I need to pack and finish getting ready as we leave first think in the morning for Myrtle Beach...very exciting!

another sporadic post...

I know I am a very inconsistent blogger. But hey. I am not even sure anyone is out there. So this past Friday I was able to pick up the Adoption Order. I never knew a paper could make me cry. Especially the part that said that the child will now be known as C.... O.... S... A.... M... (initials...I know that that is a long name...but I love it!) Anyway, there was a communication glitch between me and the guaranteur so I wan't able to actually go to the passport office until Monday.
I went. No passport. But they require a couple of papers/letters and I have been working on all the paperwork that the letter writers require. Hopefully I can get these two letters by Thursday so I can head to the passport office on Friday.
Sunday...I went to the Adoption Resource Exchange Conference in Toronto. I was only planning on checking things out and seeing what it was all about. I ended up putting my name down for 3 kids. Putting my name down just puts me in a pot of possible families. The chances of me getting selected are SLIM to none! There were a lot of families there. And the kids I choose were very close in age to C and the chances of me getting another young and healthy child at this point I don't think are that great. BUT God is a miraclemaker...and if any of these children are meant to call me mom...He will make it possible. The only hard thing is that I dream of these children. I can totally visualize them (one in particular) living here and running and playing with my son.
Only time will tell. I will be happy regardless who happens to be the parents of these children. There are lots of children and they all just need a family to love them forever.
It is late...I need to head to bed...well I am in bed but I need to get to sleep...tomorrow is another busy day!

busy busy

well things have been busy here to say the least. Last week the Pathfinders had a sleepover/campout in the back yard, C got a new play area (had to be dug out and then 10 tonnes of pea gravel was dumped into it)
and I have been making millions of phone calls trying to get all the paperwork I need to get C a passport so we can go with his Grandparents to South Carolina at the begining of May. (this is not a smooth process and I am hitting lots of speed bumps so please pray about this)
I went to Orangeville to visit a friend for the day. It was a great day. Low Key and perfect. C had lots of fun and was asleep within 5 minutes of driving away :)
I am busy trying to get my flowerbed edged and weeded so it can be mulched. Next plan is to make 2 raised vegetable beds. I am also hoping to get a post digger and make a fenced area around the back of the barn so I can look at getting some chickens and stuff.
C is not adjusting the best to me going back to work. I am dealing with lots of extra behaviour issues sunday evenings and mondays. He also usually doesn't sleep well my first night back.
I think he is on his 5th time out this am and it is only 10am.
that is just some of what is going on. I hope I will get a minute or two to add more info soon...

once upon a dream....

I love waking in the morning after having a lovely dream! Especially when I dream of being loved.

People ask me about 'finding a husband' quiet often in my life. And the funny thing is that I don't dream of a big white wedding, I don't spend my waking moments on the 'hunt' for a husband. I am not actively looking for a husband....why? because I gave that over to God a long time ago.

Do I want a husband? yes
Will I be happy if I am single the rest of my life? I will aim to be

but I am assuming that IF there is a guy for me out there, I will be open and receptive to what God`s plan is for our life and that in HIS time things will happen if that is a plan he has for me

Would it be nice to have a dad for Chase...definitely! I see him watch dads and their kids...and I know he is going to want that in his life too....but at the same time....I am not going to set us up for heartbreak by taking the whole `finding a man`into my own hands and enter into relationships that are not what God has in store for us.
I have dated in the past....and that has just made me learn that I need to follow God's plan as the heartache and regret of giving part of my heart to someone who wasn't supposed to get it is with me

IF I ever have a husband I want him to
1. love God first
2. love me (& now my son)
3. work hard
4. understand 'family' including an extended one

that is it...I don't care if he is handsome (as he will be to me inside and out) or looks like a movie star...I do care if he has a good heart. Does he need to be perfect? NOPE because I most definitely am not and I wouldn't expect him to be either

I always thought I needed to have a husband before I could be a mom. Single parenting is HARD! and single parenting a child like my son is no easy task. But if I had waited for a husband before choosing to obeying God telling me in my heart to foster....I would not have my son. (and I made this error for a few years)
Do I love being a mom...yes...though if you notice it is 5am and I am blogging...mostly because I have been up for over an hour dealing with my son and the restless sleep that he is having tonight. That was a big adjustment. Being sleep deprived and not allowing that to justify grumpiness. I thought I was over the whole lack of sleep thing....but it is even harder now that I am back to work. I come home from working my 40 hours over 3 days and before I was a mom, I'd crash on the couch in exhaustion....now I can't do that as I come home to a freshly rested toddler!

but back to my original focus of this rambling
Once upon a dream....
In my dreams I have a prince charming that loves me.
I have a husband
and yes he has a face and a name and he is based on someone that I know in real life. His face changes over the years. It has been the same person for awhile now...do I expect that I will marry this person...nope...he is from my past and is actually going to be married to someone else. But that is alright...cause in my dreams I am loved

and I am happy with that :)

content

does this blog make sense....I don't care...cause I am actually going to try to catch some more sleep now...

night

to blog or not to blog...

that is the question. I have changed my feelings about this many times over the years. Origionally I blogged to keep in contact with a specific group of girls that I was close to...but after many years....we aren't really in contact anymore.
I have also switched my blog name many times....to go with how I was feeling, and what my vague goals were in blogging.
I have not blogged much recently. I was torn as I am not supposed to post photos of my son (who is yet to be 100% legally mine) which I was doing, so in order to be honest with my social workers and let my conscience be my guide (the whole Biblical law of obeying the laws of the land), I quit adding photos...
Also the last blog I had was called McGee, C & me....which is now nolonger relevant as McGee died this past fall.
So I will go back to just trying to be honest out there with anyone who cares to read. I am going to try to stop caring what others think. And stop fretting over the fact that those who I once considered to be my friends barely acknowledge my existence...who needs them?

me...I am still under construction...
I am working on being a better child of God
I am being a good mom (I need to be more patient and not raise my voice) who is working on teaching and guiding my little one to grow up to be a warrior for Christ

When I first contacted CAS to become a foster parent, I felt it was something that God was laying on my heart. I put it off for many years as I just didn't see how I could do it as a single mom (Silly me...forgot that with Christ ALL things are possible) so I was kind of half ass waiting for a man to come along so we could follow this path God was putting me on together.
Well over a year ago, I decided to just walk by faith and so I did...and as I was completing my paperwork, I asked my social worker to make my file ready for 'whatever' may come my way. I didn't want to come across a child that was supposed to be in my family 'now' but couldn't because I had to go back for extra training or meetings to qualify for them. And it is a good thing that I did because then I would never have gotten my little CO.

He is my busy little one
he gets into EVERYTHING
but at the same time he has the best laugh
a great sense of humor
runs like a weirdo
loves to dress up
and loves all things construction
and I am his 'mom'

but...now what?? I asked for my status with the CAS to stay open. I said I was willing to do relief work (for a child under 5)...but due to legal issues they couldn't use me as a resource because of CO's status not yet being complete and so I was considered to be a resource for his CAS rather than my own. I am still willing to do that....but it isn't likely to happen anyday soon as I am waiting for the court system to dot the i's and cross the t's to make things legal.

but in my heart....I am still waiting for my little girl....where she is....I do not know....but she is out there somewhere. In the meantime I spend it looking over photolistings online, and signing up to attend adoption exchanges.
so...what next? Sperm bank? Another CAS child? Embryo adoption? USA adoption?

I would love to hear your opinions on it all!!

but right now...I rest...it has been a long and busy day...and tomorrow will be another one as it is Moms and Tots Biblestudy and I am in charge of refreshments (which I have yet to bake) and I keep nodding off while typing this...my eyes are very heavy after all the yardwork I did today...night!

shhh

I am tired...oh so tired. And I imagine as my week progresses I will be even more tired. Because

1. my kid is sick. He has a cold. Which I know is something that all kids get. Mine when he is sick....he moans and groans all night. I've tried drugs. He just wakes up when they wear off and declares it to be morning....

2. I was in 8 hour training yesterday to learn the new computer program. It is exhausting sitting in front of a computer

3. I have a bad habit of staying up late. I have a pvr and I use it. But I usually stay up late to watch the shows rather than saving them for a new day. I've cut back a lot of my lists of shows I pvr...but yet...Tuesday nights...there are a lot still. Lost, NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, Parenthood, 19 Kids and Counting....I know still absolutely crazy! I am still totally thinking I need to toss the stupid tv out the door and live my life without it. I would get more stuff done that is for sure.

4. I came off my weekend shift sleep deprived and didn't nap Monday as I had a HUGE amount of planning to do for Guides that night

5. My kid has been up since 430. (Actually I think that it was earlier but I want to be in denial)


so....I need COFFEE!

thrive not just survive

My goal this year is to thrive and not just survive. To not just have my days all blend in together but to accomplish things daily and set small goals.
One of the goals I have is to put meaning behind the time I spend with Chase. To have his days not just be unorganized play and a heap load of mischief. Because my boy is BUSY and if you turn your back for just a moment, he has done something he knows he is not supposed to or he has done something that he isn't to do again. For instance yesterday he was in the bathroom for 20 seconds (I had no clue his little step stool was in there and thought he was using the toilet) and in that time he opened a little bottle of scope and dumped it into the fish bowl.
I found somewhere online people doing 'toddler trays' So I invested in a few small bins with lids. I have 5 and in them I put different activities in there to work on motor skills (my kid is a gross motor kid so I want him to practice having small times where he focuses on tasks sitting down). Some activities don't spark his interst, others he will sit at for a long time. Some days one that he loved, he doens't so much the next day. It is a total hit and miss day to day thing. Last night after he went to bed, I changed the bins.
1. a grocery store flyer and a pair of kid scissors (he is working on cutting skills and we also talk about the different pictures while he cuts)
2. three markers, a papertowel, paintbrush and a cup (for water). this one he colours the papertowel and then when he is all done he paints it with water
3. pom poms, pickle tweezers and an icecube tray. He practices picking up the pom poms with the tweezers and putting them in the different sections of the tray. One day we'll work on sorting them by colour but he isn't quite ready for that yet. But we do work on counting and I talk about the colours of them.
4. shoe string and cheerios (to make a necklace)
5. stickers and a piece of paper

I think this will help me to see if 'homeschooling' is for me or not. I know he is young yet for formal learning but setting up and changing these bins and planning ahead will help me see if I will be able to stick with this long term or not...I'd really like to as I feel it is my job as a parent to educate my kid. Not just to learn to read and write but to love to learn, but to love God in all things, to give back to the community and respect those in authority over him.
So far this morning (it is only 840) he is on his third bin. He wasn't TOO interested in the painting the papertowel after colouring it with marker, but he is having lots of fun with the pom poms. The problem is he is the kind of kid that wants to do all the bins 'now'. he is a 'now' kid for sure. So he will switch bins after only a couple of minutes so he can try explore another one. Good thing he knows he has to clean up one bin before starting another one (teaching him to clean up after himself).

We also throw in colouring, playdough, stories, puzzles and baking into our days. And then I also try to have him be outside atleast 1 hour/ day and we try to get to the pool once or twice a week. And I am trying to not have tv daily (I have been failing more with this with the winter weather) but I am controlling 'what' he watches. So far the only programs he watches are 'Thomas', 'Tractor Tom', 'Curious George', 'Sesame Street' and 'Bearentain Bears'. Which is
a lot considering that he is only 2 1/2 but I try to not just turn on Tree House (mostly because 99% of those shows I consider to be more annoying than educational). I am totally considering becoming tv free or just moving it to the basement for me to have on some evenings after he is bed or while I am working on my crafts downstairs.

I collect up all his art projects and mail them off to his grandparents :). Some I take photos of first as my way of keeping a memory.

My to do list is a mile long today and it is already almost 9am and there is only one thing crossed off my list, but I have given 5 time-outs (me going back to work has made Mondays tough) made breakfast, cleaned up, read a book, dealt with one accident and made a snack.

I think today is a coffee day!